Isn't that a saying or something? They are doing a controlled burn in my city and the smoke is awful! I'm sitting at my computer and my eyes are burning, we have a return air something or other in the building so there is always fresh air coming in. Except today the fresh air isn't too fresh. We usually get some elderly people writing in to the newspaper about how the smoke is bad for their health, blah blah blah. My response to that - If you would prefer, we will stop the controlled burns just for you and then when the city burns to the ground because the forest was taken over by drought(10 yrs people! we are dry!) and bark beetles, do NOT come crying to me!
I'm a leader at my church's high school group and last night one of my girls told me she is having a real hard time in English. So with her permission and her parents, I'm going to start tutoring her in English. Wow, it has been a long time since I've done freshman English, but I know she needs help and so far no one has really tried to help her, just threaten punishment if she doesn't do better. That seems so wrong to me. I guess that's my inner teacher (studied but didn't finish the education degree) crying out to protect and help the kids, not punish them.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Marathon's of Life
Monday I was talking to my friend S. She and her husband J have decided to run the PF Chang's Rock n' Roll marathon in January. I thought about it and I am going to run it too. It's only a half marathon, 13.1 miles, but still. And it happens to fall on my b-day, I couldn't' help but feel what a wonderful present it would be to myself to be in good enough shape to walk/run a half-marathon.
I've always been on the heavy side. In fact I like to joke that the only time I was small was the day I was born(6lbs 7oz), then I found my mom's boob and haven't stopped eating since. Well, not on my mom's boob anymore, that's just weird. There has always been a battle between me and food. I'm an emotional eater, sad, mad, happy, bored, angry. If you can feel it, I'll eat to it. I've even been diagnosed as a binge eater after a seriously traumatic event caused me to spiral into depression and dive head first into a nervous breakdown and still suffer from it from time to time.
I weighed 157 lbs on my wedding day. It has been years since I weighed that and was very excited about it. Of course, it's now been years since then and I am no longer close to that weight. I've put on 40 lbs since I married Mr. Sparky and it's quite disgusting. Of course I have weighed this much before, in my early twenties when all I wanted to do was drink copious amounts of liquor, smoke and eat all meals at Outback(I worked there, it was cheaper than shopping) which I do NOT recommend unless you have an amazing metabolism.
Shortly after we returned from our honeymoon I started to not feel good. And by not feel good, I mean couldn't breathe because the pain in my abdomen/pelvic area was so bad I thought I would die. I wasn't working at the time, I miss those days (of no work, not pain) and so I would spend all day on the couch, in pain and severely depressed. Oh, and this was not the kind of sick that made you not want to eat (see above emotional eating). I went to all kinds of dr's who immediately wanted to run a pregnancy test on me. After the 15th negative test, no joke, I finally said, "Enough, if you don't have anything to do to me besides a pregnancy test, don't touch me any more". I went to a new OB seeing as I had just moved to the area and knew nobody and he couldn't figure out what was wrong with me either. He did a uterine lap and decided it wasn't endo and couldn't' help me. Here's what he told me - just have a baby and that will fix it. Seriously, the joke is on him.
This started in Nov of 04 and finally in April of 06 there was a diagnosis - Interstitial Cystitis. Basically it is a condition of the bladder, but so few people know what to look for and it's symptoms mimic so many other things, it's very difficult to diagnose. The inside of a normal bladder is nice and smooth and pretty(I can only assume as I have never personally seen one) and mine looks like hamburger. Literally millions of little paper cut like incisions all over the inside of my bladder. And do you all know what goes through the bladder? Everything that is toxic to the body. So this toxicness, and not the good ole' Brittney Spears kind, is actually getting inside the inside of my bladder. And it hurts like hell. So I've been a little sedentary since the wedding. Oh, did I mention it makes sex the most unbearable thing in the world? Anyone care to venture how well this bodes for the whole makin' a baby business? No? Nobody?
With it being me, par for the course, there is no cure for this pesky little condition. Only a "management program". Seriously, it sound like my bladder will be climbing the corporate ladder a whole lot quicker than me. 1 pill, three times a day, and 2 pills twice a day, for the REST OF MY LIFE! People, I was 26 and this was not looking good. Plus I don't really like to take a lot of medication and I wanted to see if I could work with diet and all that. Didn't really work so well so a year later I decided to take the medications. And they started working, and I ever so smartly decided to go off of them. Ohhhh, I forgot to mention the series of nine!! injections to my bladder, through catheter. I have been catheterized more in one month than most people in their entire life! Enough. Mmmmmmm, it's lunch time and I'm hungry, I'll be back.
Ok, I'm back and I've returned ashamed. After talking about making changes for my body I go and eat at Arby's for lunch. I have a salad in the fridge and yet, I make POOR choices. Ah well, such is life. Where was I? Oh yes, the sickness, as it's called at my home. Yeah, so I started five weeks ago a new diet. It's not technically a diet for weight loss, it's an immune system reset diet. No wheat, no dairy(which I can't do anyway, but love ice cream and cheese), caffeine(which has not entirely gone away) or alcohol(not THAT big of a deal since I might drink once in a blue moon). Since being on this diet I feel better than I have in years! And I've lost 7 lbs to boot. The past two weeks have not been good since my family was up Labor Day and and you know how that goes, it's been tricky getting back into the flow of things. Well, that's really it. I started working out again last night and am determined to be able to run at least 5 miles of the 13.1 by Jan 13. Did I mention that is my birthday? I might a few more times as I am a birthday whore. When I was younger I could make my birthday last for at least a month, sometimes longer.
I'm supposed to be getting a visit from the red headed monster Saturday, I'll update later about my day three results.
I've always been on the heavy side. In fact I like to joke that the only time I was small was the day I was born(6lbs 7oz), then I found my mom's boob and haven't stopped eating since. Well, not on my mom's boob anymore, that's just weird. There has always been a battle between me and food. I'm an emotional eater, sad, mad, happy, bored, angry. If you can feel it, I'll eat to it. I've even been diagnosed as a binge eater after a seriously traumatic event caused me to spiral into depression and dive head first into a nervous breakdown and still suffer from it from time to time.
I weighed 157 lbs on my wedding day. It has been years since I weighed that and was very excited about it. Of course, it's now been years since then and I am no longer close to that weight. I've put on 40 lbs since I married Mr. Sparky and it's quite disgusting. Of course I have weighed this much before, in my early twenties when all I wanted to do was drink copious amounts of liquor, smoke and eat all meals at Outback(I worked there, it was cheaper than shopping) which I do NOT recommend unless you have an amazing metabolism.
Shortly after we returned from our honeymoon I started to not feel good. And by not feel good, I mean couldn't breathe because the pain in my abdomen/pelvic area was so bad I thought I would die. I wasn't working at the time, I miss those days (of no work, not pain) and so I would spend all day on the couch, in pain and severely depressed. Oh, and this was not the kind of sick that made you not want to eat (see above emotional eating). I went to all kinds of dr's who immediately wanted to run a pregnancy test on me. After the 15th negative test, no joke, I finally said, "Enough, if you don't have anything to do to me besides a pregnancy test, don't touch me any more". I went to a new OB seeing as I had just moved to the area and knew nobody and he couldn't figure out what was wrong with me either. He did a uterine lap and decided it wasn't endo and couldn't' help me. Here's what he told me - just have a baby and that will fix it. Seriously, the joke is on him.
This started in Nov of 04 and finally in April of 06 there was a diagnosis - Interstitial Cystitis. Basically it is a condition of the bladder, but so few people know what to look for and it's symptoms mimic so many other things, it's very difficult to diagnose. The inside of a normal bladder is nice and smooth and pretty(I can only assume as I have never personally seen one) and mine looks like hamburger. Literally millions of little paper cut like incisions all over the inside of my bladder. And do you all know what goes through the bladder? Everything that is toxic to the body. So this toxicness, and not the good ole' Brittney Spears kind, is actually getting inside the inside of my bladder. And it hurts like hell. So I've been a little sedentary since the wedding. Oh, did I mention it makes sex the most unbearable thing in the world? Anyone care to venture how well this bodes for the whole makin' a baby business? No? Nobody?
With it being me, par for the course, there is no cure for this pesky little condition. Only a "management program". Seriously, it sound like my bladder will be climbing the corporate ladder a whole lot quicker than me. 1 pill, three times a day, and 2 pills twice a day, for the REST OF MY LIFE! People, I was 26 and this was not looking good. Plus I don't really like to take a lot of medication and I wanted to see if I could work with diet and all that. Didn't really work so well so a year later I decided to take the medications. And they started working, and I ever so smartly decided to go off of them. Ohhhh, I forgot to mention the series of nine!! injections to my bladder, through catheter. I have been catheterized more in one month than most people in their entire life! Enough. Mmmmmmm, it's lunch time and I'm hungry, I'll be back.
Ok, I'm back and I've returned ashamed. After talking about making changes for my body I go and eat at Arby's for lunch. I have a salad in the fridge and yet, I make POOR choices. Ah well, such is life. Where was I? Oh yes, the sickness, as it's called at my home. Yeah, so I started five weeks ago a new diet. It's not technically a diet for weight loss, it's an immune system reset diet. No wheat, no dairy(which I can't do anyway, but love ice cream and cheese), caffeine(which has not entirely gone away) or alcohol(not THAT big of a deal since I might drink once in a blue moon). Since being on this diet I feel better than I have in years! And I've lost 7 lbs to boot. The past two weeks have not been good since my family was up Labor Day and and you know how that goes, it's been tricky getting back into the flow of things. Well, that's really it. I started working out again last night and am determined to be able to run at least 5 miles of the 13.1 by Jan 13. Did I mention that is my birthday? I might a few more times as I am a birthday whore. When I was younger I could make my birthday last for at least a month, sometimes longer.
I'm supposed to be getting a visit from the red headed monster Saturday, I'll update later about my day three results.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
No good title comes to mind
Ok, so my goal of writing at least two posts a week(really, two posts is not THAT hard) fell flat on my big fat booty. I am ashamed of myself, as I read dutifully those women who have things going on(like newborns, and crawling babies, and transfers!) yet are still able to post almost every day. And I? I have nothing close to that and am embarrassed that I thought I could hang with these wonderful women. But alas, I will still plug away because I have a story to tell.
On that note, I am at work and doing this very illegally, so a quick intro to last weeks dr's appt with favorite RN. She was aghast that the dr hadn't ordered more blood work than tsh so I am getting a full work up next cycle. Unless of course I turn out to be pregnant (please, hold the laughter, I know it's a crazy thought). So, hopefully(not really, but you know) Monday will be cycle day 3 and let the blood draining begin! Perhaps some answers.
Toodles!!
On that note, I am at work and doing this very illegally, so a quick intro to last weeks dr's appt with favorite RN. She was aghast that the dr hadn't ordered more blood work than tsh so I am getting a full work up next cycle. Unless of course I turn out to be pregnant (please, hold the laughter, I know it's a crazy thought). So, hopefully(not really, but you know) Monday will be cycle day 3 and let the blood draining begin! Perhaps some answers.
Toodles!!
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Demolition and Drunken Mother-in-Law's
I find that I'm not writing here as much as I thought I would. I can't decide if it is just laziness, or I'm afraid to actually write my feelings. I've gotten so good at hiding my emotions to the outside world, I think I may have blocked them good. So, my goal is to write at least twice a week here to start unraveling the things I'm feeling. That and to bash my mother-in-law, with love of course!
This being a holiday weekend, my parents came up on Thursday to help work on the house. We moved into our 1987 house last year and are slowly moving it away from the 80's and into something tolerable until we can afford a larger home or add on. It is a tiny home in comparison to most, 1300 sq ft but with the AZ room(non-cooled/heated room that most people use as an extra "living" space since the weather here is remotely nice in the winter) it is 1600 sq ft. There are two bedrooms and 1.75 baths.
For some reason the builders of the house decided that the two feet it took to get from the spare bedroom to the hall bath was just too far and installed a door between the room and the bath. Let me just say that this is RIDICULOUS! Who needs to have a door to the bath when you can walk 2 feet! to the bath. What a serious waste of wall space. So my amazingly handy daddy and my somewhat inept husband(very good at other things, just not home repairs) tore out the door and made me a wall to hand things on! Ohhh, internet, this is so exciting. I love to hang things on walls, except it takes me forever to get them hung, but that is neither here nor there. One problem, the mud did not dry as was supposed to and they need to do a second coat. Second problem - my handy daddy lives two hours away!!! and is traveling for work for the next bajillion weekends, which means I have an unfinished wall. But on the brighter side of things, my mom and I got most of the hideous woodwork painted and the kitchen and dining room done! Yea for a fresh coat of paint! I will post pictures as soon as I can. It is really quite pretty.
On to more interesting things. The mother-in-law and her fiance came up for the weekend too. Except it wasn't' really to see us, her and her friend had won a weekend at a B&B in town and decided that they should come up and not tell us. Which would be fine except for the fact that she has come to visit us 3 times in the almost three years we've been married. The last was to help us move into the new house and she only stayed long enough to take us out to lunch. Not that I'm complaining about the lunch - I love free food. It's just, well... Back to this weekend. We asked her to come to dinner Saturday night at our house and she did come, then got drunk. Which is not all together too uncommon seeing as she is an alcoholic. However, after they left which was 11ish and we were all in bed the phone rings and they've been stopped by a DUI checkpoint (we have a VERY dangerous hwy that people speed on all time, it's actually called Blood Alley and so cops are always upping the safety points on holiday) and that her fiance was getting arrested. Being that Mr. Sparky is of the law enforcement type, we thought we would need to go get them. Then she laughs, really loud and hard and says, "Oh no, it was just a joke, go back to bed!"
(to self) must be good christian and love this woman even if it burns!
The next morning after church, which she did not attend (those who consider themselves goddesses of their own universes tend not to believe in organized religion, but I hate that term, so, whatever you want to call it fine) and after my parents left we met them for brunch at historic hotel downtown which is very fancy pants. By the time we got there she was on her 4th bloody mary, which wouldn't have been so bad except she started drinking at 9:00 that morning and it was already 12:00, and by the time we were done eating, she had had two more and a beer! She stood up, said loudly, "I'm drunker than a skunk" and proceeded to stumble down the hall to the bathroom. Um, did I mention this is a small town and my husband is a cop?? Alone, this would have been mortifying, but add the afore mentioned details and suddenly I wanted to move, to a smaller town and not leave a forwarding address. Ugh. Then off to the craft fair for more drunken debauchery and she bought everything that wasn't nailed down. And most if it was the most hideous crap I have ever seen.
On the baby front - ended up not pregnant this last time around and I was so convinced I was. I think that was the straw and I want to be done. I want to be done trying and hoping and waiting and crying and watching every last woman I know give birth or get pregnant. Within the last 7 days, two of my friends have given birth and I have two showers this month. I'm excited, don't get me wrong, but the two year mark is approaching at a galloping rate and I'm tired. Tired of everything. I have a dr's appointment today with the favorite RN at the crappy dr's office(just because someone is a Christian does not make them GOOD at what they do, I keep forgetting this fact) and hopefully she will run some tests since the crappy dr refused last time saying she wasn't sure I would do anything to fix it so she wasn't' going to do the test! NOT HER CHOICE. Ugh, the draw backs of living in a small town are the incompetent medical community. But the, from the sounds of others out there, it's not too much better in the big city
This being a holiday weekend, my parents came up on Thursday to help work on the house. We moved into our 1987 house last year and are slowly moving it away from the 80's and into something tolerable until we can afford a larger home or add on. It is a tiny home in comparison to most, 1300 sq ft but with the AZ room(non-cooled/heated room that most people use as an extra "living" space since the weather here is remotely nice in the winter) it is 1600 sq ft. There are two bedrooms and 1.75 baths.
For some reason the builders of the house decided that the two feet it took to get from the spare bedroom to the hall bath was just too far and installed a door between the room and the bath. Let me just say that this is RIDICULOUS! Who needs to have a door to the bath when you can walk 2 feet! to the bath. What a serious waste of wall space. So my amazingly handy daddy and my somewhat inept husband(very good at other things, just not home repairs) tore out the door and made me a wall to hand things on! Ohhh, internet, this is so exciting. I love to hang things on walls, except it takes me forever to get them hung, but that is neither here nor there. One problem, the mud did not dry as was supposed to and they need to do a second coat. Second problem - my handy daddy lives two hours away!!! and is traveling for work for the next bajillion weekends, which means I have an unfinished wall. But on the brighter side of things, my mom and I got most of the hideous woodwork painted and the kitchen and dining room done! Yea for a fresh coat of paint! I will post pictures as soon as I can. It is really quite pretty.
On to more interesting things. The mother-in-law and her fiance came up for the weekend too. Except it wasn't' really to see us, her and her friend had won a weekend at a B&B in town and decided that they should come up and not tell us. Which would be fine except for the fact that she has come to visit us 3 times in the almost three years we've been married. The last was to help us move into the new house and she only stayed long enough to take us out to lunch. Not that I'm complaining about the lunch - I love free food. It's just, well... Back to this weekend. We asked her to come to dinner Saturday night at our house and she did come, then got drunk. Which is not all together too uncommon seeing as she is an alcoholic. However, after they left which was 11ish and we were all in bed the phone rings and they've been stopped by a DUI checkpoint (we have a VERY dangerous hwy that people speed on all time, it's actually called Blood Alley and so cops are always upping the safety points on holiday) and that her fiance was getting arrested. Being that Mr. Sparky is of the law enforcement type, we thought we would need to go get them. Then she laughs, really loud and hard and says, "Oh no, it was just a joke, go back to bed!"
(to self) must be good christian and love this woman even if it burns!
The next morning after church, which she did not attend (those who consider themselves goddesses of their own universes tend not to believe in organized religion, but I hate that term, so, whatever you want to call it fine) and after my parents left we met them for brunch at historic hotel downtown which is very fancy pants. By the time we got there she was on her 4th bloody mary, which wouldn't have been so bad except she started drinking at 9:00 that morning and it was already 12:00, and by the time we were done eating, she had had two more and a beer! She stood up, said loudly, "I'm drunker than a skunk" and proceeded to stumble down the hall to the bathroom. Um, did I mention this is a small town and my husband is a cop?? Alone, this would have been mortifying, but add the afore mentioned details and suddenly I wanted to move, to a smaller town and not leave a forwarding address. Ugh. Then off to the craft fair for more drunken debauchery and she bought everything that wasn't nailed down. And most if it was the most hideous crap I have ever seen.
On the baby front - ended up not pregnant this last time around and I was so convinced I was. I think that was the straw and I want to be done. I want to be done trying and hoping and waiting and crying and watching every last woman I know give birth or get pregnant. Within the last 7 days, two of my friends have given birth and I have two showers this month. I'm excited, don't get me wrong, but the two year mark is approaching at a galloping rate and I'm tired. Tired of everything. I have a dr's appointment today with the favorite RN at the crappy dr's office(just because someone is a Christian does not make them GOOD at what they do, I keep forgetting this fact) and hopefully she will run some tests since the crappy dr refused last time saying she wasn't sure I would do anything to fix it so she wasn't' going to do the test! NOT HER CHOICE. Ugh, the draw backs of living in a small town are the incompetent medical community. But the, from the sounds of others out there, it's not too much better in the big city
Monday, August 27, 2007
Awhile
It's been awhile. A lot has been going on. Mr. Sparky is starting his third week of "boot camp" for the local sheriff's office and we have been writing a lot of papers. Actually, I have been writing a lot of paper's. I'm very excited for him, he's doing so well and he's really getting into shape! He's lost 8 lbs since he started and he has no fat left on him at all. I find this rather disgusting as I have a much greater amount than he. Soon he will start lifting weights at academy and will start to buff up. He's got a runner's body, long and lean, so he really needs to work on his upper body strength.
I started a new "diet" last week. It isn't really a weight loss diet, it's an immune reset diet. Last year I was diagnosed with a condition called Inter*stitial Cystitis. It's a very painful condition of the bladder that can be very debilitating. The best way to describe it is this - there a million little paper cuts all over the lining of my bladder so any toxins can get "inside" the lining. VERY painful. It took them a year and a half to figure out what was wrong with me and there is no cure, only treatment. I feel too young to be dealing with all of this and the five times a day medication I need to take. So I'm embarking on this new diet. Hopefully it will help. I feel like crap right now due to the detox, but on the upside, I lost 6 lbs last week alone! So maybe this will help get the 40lbs I need to lose off.
Lots more to talk about, forgiveness of those who've hurt ones you care about and spiritual attacks. But not enough time.
I started a new "diet" last week. It isn't really a weight loss diet, it's an immune reset diet. Last year I was diagnosed with a condition called Inter*stitial Cystitis. It's a very painful condition of the bladder that can be very debilitating. The best way to describe it is this - there a million little paper cuts all over the lining of my bladder so any toxins can get "inside" the lining. VERY painful. It took them a year and a half to figure out what was wrong with me and there is no cure, only treatment. I feel too young to be dealing with all of this and the five times a day medication I need to take. So I'm embarking on this new diet. Hopefully it will help. I feel like crap right now due to the detox, but on the upside, I lost 6 lbs last week alone! So maybe this will help get the 40lbs I need to lose off.
Lots more to talk about, forgiveness of those who've hurt ones you care about and spiritual attacks. But not enough time.
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