Ok, so my goal of writing at least two posts a week(really, two posts is not THAT hard) fell flat on my big fat booty. I am ashamed of myself, as I read dutifully those women who have things going on(like newborns, and crawling babies, and transfers!) yet are still able to post almost every day. And I? I have nothing close to that and am embarrassed that I thought I could hang with these wonderful women. But alas, I will still plug away because I have a story to tell.
On that note, I am at work and doing this very illegally, so a quick intro to last weeks dr's appt with favorite RN. She was aghast that the dr hadn't ordered more blood work than tsh so I am getting a full work up next cycle. Unless of course I turn out to be pregnant (please, hold the laughter, I know it's a crazy thought). So, hopefully(not really, but you know) Monday will be cycle day 3 and let the blood draining begin! Perhaps some answers.
Toodles!!
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Demolition and Drunken Mother-in-Law's
I find that I'm not writing here as much as I thought I would. I can't decide if it is just laziness, or I'm afraid to actually write my feelings. I've gotten so good at hiding my emotions to the outside world, I think I may have blocked them good. So, my goal is to write at least twice a week here to start unraveling the things I'm feeling. That and to bash my mother-in-law, with love of course!
This being a holiday weekend, my parents came up on Thursday to help work on the house. We moved into our 1987 house last year and are slowly moving it away from the 80's and into something tolerable until we can afford a larger home or add on. It is a tiny home in comparison to most, 1300 sq ft but with the AZ room(non-cooled/heated room that most people use as an extra "living" space since the weather here is remotely nice in the winter) it is 1600 sq ft. There are two bedrooms and 1.75 baths.
For some reason the builders of the house decided that the two feet it took to get from the spare bedroom to the hall bath was just too far and installed a door between the room and the bath. Let me just say that this is RIDICULOUS! Who needs to have a door to the bath when you can walk 2 feet! to the bath. What a serious waste of wall space. So my amazingly handy daddy and my somewhat inept husband(very good at other things, just not home repairs) tore out the door and made me a wall to hand things on! Ohhh, internet, this is so exciting. I love to hang things on walls, except it takes me forever to get them hung, but that is neither here nor there. One problem, the mud did not dry as was supposed to and they need to do a second coat. Second problem - my handy daddy lives two hours away!!! and is traveling for work for the next bajillion weekends, which means I have an unfinished wall. But on the brighter side of things, my mom and I got most of the hideous woodwork painted and the kitchen and dining room done! Yea for a fresh coat of paint! I will post pictures as soon as I can. It is really quite pretty.
On to more interesting things. The mother-in-law and her fiance came up for the weekend too. Except it wasn't' really to see us, her and her friend had won a weekend at a B&B in town and decided that they should come up and not tell us. Which would be fine except for the fact that she has come to visit us 3 times in the almost three years we've been married. The last was to help us move into the new house and she only stayed long enough to take us out to lunch. Not that I'm complaining about the lunch - I love free food. It's just, well... Back to this weekend. We asked her to come to dinner Saturday night at our house and she did come, then got drunk. Which is not all together too uncommon seeing as she is an alcoholic. However, after they left which was 11ish and we were all in bed the phone rings and they've been stopped by a DUI checkpoint (we have a VERY dangerous hwy that people speed on all time, it's actually called Blood Alley and so cops are always upping the safety points on holiday) and that her fiance was getting arrested. Being that Mr. Sparky is of the law enforcement type, we thought we would need to go get them. Then she laughs, really loud and hard and says, "Oh no, it was just a joke, go back to bed!"
(to self) must be good christian and love this woman even if it burns!
The next morning after church, which she did not attend (those who consider themselves goddesses of their own universes tend not to believe in organized religion, but I hate that term, so, whatever you want to call it fine) and after my parents left we met them for brunch at historic hotel downtown which is very fancy pants. By the time we got there she was on her 4th bloody mary, which wouldn't have been so bad except she started drinking at 9:00 that morning and it was already 12:00, and by the time we were done eating, she had had two more and a beer! She stood up, said loudly, "I'm drunker than a skunk" and proceeded to stumble down the hall to the bathroom. Um, did I mention this is a small town and my husband is a cop?? Alone, this would have been mortifying, but add the afore mentioned details and suddenly I wanted to move, to a smaller town and not leave a forwarding address. Ugh. Then off to the craft fair for more drunken debauchery and she bought everything that wasn't nailed down. And most if it was the most hideous crap I have ever seen.
On the baby front - ended up not pregnant this last time around and I was so convinced I was. I think that was the straw and I want to be done. I want to be done trying and hoping and waiting and crying and watching every last woman I know give birth or get pregnant. Within the last 7 days, two of my friends have given birth and I have two showers this month. I'm excited, don't get me wrong, but the two year mark is approaching at a galloping rate and I'm tired. Tired of everything. I have a dr's appointment today with the favorite RN at the crappy dr's office(just because someone is a Christian does not make them GOOD at what they do, I keep forgetting this fact) and hopefully she will run some tests since the crappy dr refused last time saying she wasn't sure I would do anything to fix it so she wasn't' going to do the test! NOT HER CHOICE. Ugh, the draw backs of living in a small town are the incompetent medical community. But the, from the sounds of others out there, it's not too much better in the big city
This being a holiday weekend, my parents came up on Thursday to help work on the house. We moved into our 1987 house last year and are slowly moving it away from the 80's and into something tolerable until we can afford a larger home or add on. It is a tiny home in comparison to most, 1300 sq ft but with the AZ room(non-cooled/heated room that most people use as an extra "living" space since the weather here is remotely nice in the winter) it is 1600 sq ft. There are two bedrooms and 1.75 baths.
For some reason the builders of the house decided that the two feet it took to get from the spare bedroom to the hall bath was just too far and installed a door between the room and the bath. Let me just say that this is RIDICULOUS! Who needs to have a door to the bath when you can walk 2 feet! to the bath. What a serious waste of wall space. So my amazingly handy daddy and my somewhat inept husband(very good at other things, just not home repairs) tore out the door and made me a wall to hand things on! Ohhh, internet, this is so exciting. I love to hang things on walls, except it takes me forever to get them hung, but that is neither here nor there. One problem, the mud did not dry as was supposed to and they need to do a second coat. Second problem - my handy daddy lives two hours away!!! and is traveling for work for the next bajillion weekends, which means I have an unfinished wall. But on the brighter side of things, my mom and I got most of the hideous woodwork painted and the kitchen and dining room done! Yea for a fresh coat of paint! I will post pictures as soon as I can. It is really quite pretty.
On to more interesting things. The mother-in-law and her fiance came up for the weekend too. Except it wasn't' really to see us, her and her friend had won a weekend at a B&B in town and decided that they should come up and not tell us. Which would be fine except for the fact that she has come to visit us 3 times in the almost three years we've been married. The last was to help us move into the new house and she only stayed long enough to take us out to lunch. Not that I'm complaining about the lunch - I love free food. It's just, well... Back to this weekend. We asked her to come to dinner Saturday night at our house and she did come, then got drunk. Which is not all together too uncommon seeing as she is an alcoholic. However, after they left which was 11ish and we were all in bed the phone rings and they've been stopped by a DUI checkpoint (we have a VERY dangerous hwy that people speed on all time, it's actually called Blood Alley and so cops are always upping the safety points on holiday) and that her fiance was getting arrested. Being that Mr. Sparky is of the law enforcement type, we thought we would need to go get them. Then she laughs, really loud and hard and says, "Oh no, it was just a joke, go back to bed!"
(to self) must be good christian and love this woman even if it burns!
The next morning after church, which she did not attend (those who consider themselves goddesses of their own universes tend not to believe in organized religion, but I hate that term, so, whatever you want to call it fine) and after my parents left we met them for brunch at historic hotel downtown which is very fancy pants. By the time we got there she was on her 4th bloody mary, which wouldn't have been so bad except she started drinking at 9:00 that morning and it was already 12:00, and by the time we were done eating, she had had two more and a beer! She stood up, said loudly, "I'm drunker than a skunk" and proceeded to stumble down the hall to the bathroom. Um, did I mention this is a small town and my husband is a cop?? Alone, this would have been mortifying, but add the afore mentioned details and suddenly I wanted to move, to a smaller town and not leave a forwarding address. Ugh. Then off to the craft fair for more drunken debauchery and she bought everything that wasn't nailed down. And most if it was the most hideous crap I have ever seen.
On the baby front - ended up not pregnant this last time around and I was so convinced I was. I think that was the straw and I want to be done. I want to be done trying and hoping and waiting and crying and watching every last woman I know give birth or get pregnant. Within the last 7 days, two of my friends have given birth and I have two showers this month. I'm excited, don't get me wrong, but the two year mark is approaching at a galloping rate and I'm tired. Tired of everything. I have a dr's appointment today with the favorite RN at the crappy dr's office(just because someone is a Christian does not make them GOOD at what they do, I keep forgetting this fact) and hopefully she will run some tests since the crappy dr refused last time saying she wasn't sure I would do anything to fix it so she wasn't' going to do the test! NOT HER CHOICE. Ugh, the draw backs of living in a small town are the incompetent medical community. But the, from the sounds of others out there, it's not too much better in the big city
Monday, August 27, 2007
Awhile
It's been awhile. A lot has been going on. Mr. Sparky is starting his third week of "boot camp" for the local sheriff's office and we have been writing a lot of papers. Actually, I have been writing a lot of paper's. I'm very excited for him, he's doing so well and he's really getting into shape! He's lost 8 lbs since he started and he has no fat left on him at all. I find this rather disgusting as I have a much greater amount than he. Soon he will start lifting weights at academy and will start to buff up. He's got a runner's body, long and lean, so he really needs to work on his upper body strength.
I started a new "diet" last week. It isn't really a weight loss diet, it's an immune reset diet. Last year I was diagnosed with a condition called Inter*stitial Cystitis. It's a very painful condition of the bladder that can be very debilitating. The best way to describe it is this - there a million little paper cuts all over the lining of my bladder so any toxins can get "inside" the lining. VERY painful. It took them a year and a half to figure out what was wrong with me and there is no cure, only treatment. I feel too young to be dealing with all of this and the five times a day medication I need to take. So I'm embarking on this new diet. Hopefully it will help. I feel like crap right now due to the detox, but on the upside, I lost 6 lbs last week alone! So maybe this will help get the 40lbs I need to lose off.
Lots more to talk about, forgiveness of those who've hurt ones you care about and spiritual attacks. But not enough time.
I started a new "diet" last week. It isn't really a weight loss diet, it's an immune reset diet. Last year I was diagnosed with a condition called Inter*stitial Cystitis. It's a very painful condition of the bladder that can be very debilitating. The best way to describe it is this - there a million little paper cuts all over the lining of my bladder so any toxins can get "inside" the lining. VERY painful. It took them a year and a half to figure out what was wrong with me and there is no cure, only treatment. I feel too young to be dealing with all of this and the five times a day medication I need to take. So I'm embarking on this new diet. Hopefully it will help. I feel like crap right now due to the detox, but on the upside, I lost 6 lbs last week alone! So maybe this will help get the 40lbs I need to lose off.
Lots more to talk about, forgiveness of those who've hurt ones you care about and spiritual attacks. But not enough time.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
The Game
****Updated******
Right after I hit Post I realized I had not done spell check. So, so sorry for the mispells if any.
Infirtles the world over know about The Game. We've all played it. Sometimes it's an easy version and sometimes it's harder than reading Shakespear in Sanscrit. I am playing a particularly engrossing version right this moment, with only six day to go until I find out the ending (which by the way will more than likely be tragic, like Romeo and Juliet, except there will be no poison for me in the end).
The waiting is not the worst part for me, it's the mind torture I go through every five minutes. One minute I KNOW I'm pregnant, so sure that I'm figuring out my maternity leave. The next, I am ridiculing myself for even thinking this is it. What would make this time any different than the last 30 times?
Poor, poor infirtles. And I don't mean that in a pity sense. It's horrible enough to deal with the causes or the "mystery" causes, the financial aspect, the toll it takes on our marriages. Why do we have to play The Game as well? I cannot wait for this damn game to end.
Right after I hit Post I realized I had not done spell check. So, so sorry for the mispells if any.
Infirtles the world over know about The Game. We've all played it. Sometimes it's an easy version and sometimes it's harder than reading Shakespear in Sanscrit. I am playing a particularly engrossing version right this moment, with only six day to go until I find out the ending (which by the way will more than likely be tragic, like Romeo and Juliet, except there will be no poison for me in the end).
The waiting is not the worst part for me, it's the mind torture I go through every five minutes. One minute I KNOW I'm pregnant, so sure that I'm figuring out my maternity leave. The next, I am ridiculing myself for even thinking this is it. What would make this time any different than the last 30 times?
Poor, poor infirtles. And I don't mean that in a pity sense. It's horrible enough to deal with the causes or the "mystery" causes, the financial aspect, the toll it takes on our marriages. Why do we have to play The Game as well? I cannot wait for this damn game to end.
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