In keeping with the POSITIVE ONLY theme here at Hopefully Hoping, I'm more than happy to join in praise with Rebekah and Ben as they finally welcome Baby Boy into their lives!
416 days after they started their journey to parenthood, their prayers have been answered!
Congrats you two!
I started WW on Monday and have already lost over two pounds and have worked out both Monday and today. I am in a wedding in exactly one month from today and hope to be down at least 6 pounds by then.
This isnt' exactly positive but it is funny, after the fact. We took our dog Austin to the lake on Saturday and walked all the way around, it took about an hour and a half. By the last 10 minutes Austin was exhausted and wasn't paying any attention to the geese that were milling about on the shore. I have a serious phobia of geese as I was chased by a pack of them when I was five. It was very traumatic. In light of the phobia I thought we were far enough away from them that they wouldn't notice us, or at least Austin. He certainly didn't care about them. Next thing I know, two geese are in attack mode and squawking and attacking Austin! The poor thing got bit in the butt! All these people came running over and shouting at the geese and they finally went away. Austin was fine, but it took me quite some time to recover.
Then Sunday after we got home from bible study, Mr. sparky took Austin out back to play with a lazer light. The dog LOVES this. His favorite activity. I was in the kitchen putting things away when I hear this loud crash and the dog barking. I thought for a second something had happened to Mr. Sparky, so I ran outside. Once I got out there I saw our two HUGE WROUGHT IRON CHAIRS knocked over and the dog standing still barking and blood all over his face. He had gotten so excited he forgot the chairs were there and went head first right into them at break neck speed.
Poor baby, I'd never seen him like that. He was barking because he was in pain. It took me five minutes of just holding him before he would even move. Luckily he didn't need stitches, but he has a pretty good scar on his forehead and one on his nose. He was very lucky, it could have ben so much worse!
My poor dog had quite the weekend. Now he's afraid of the chairs and won't go anywhere near them.
And thanks for everyone's suggestions about the agency thing. Honey does work better than vinegar. Once my emotions calm down a little, I'll be able to address everything in a good light.
Thanks!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
A whole month!
Well hello stranger.
I haven't posted because I haven't wanted to read how crappy things have been lately. There's been no desire to write. I get ready to and then realize that even I am tired of listening to myself whine.
So I'm going to write only about the positive things.
- I got that job, and I really like it. I've been there since May 27th.
- We have been assigned a loan processor for our modification after they said they couldn't process it because I didn't send them any pay recent pay stubs - HELLO! OUT OF WORK!
- We have a new case worker and we met her on Wednesday. She seems nice, but she's new to the agency and we'll see if she's competent. So far no one else has been.
- We let her know exactly how we feel about the agency and EVERYTHING that has gone wrong from the beginning until now****
- My dog no longer smells like a sewer rat. Thank you dog groomers for fixing the noxious beast.
- I get to make these and these for my best friends bridal shower next weekend. I am scared but also very, very excited to eat them. I am also making a GIANT cupcake too. The shower is on her birthday and cupcakes are her most very favorite food.
And that is all for now, since I have to get ready for work.
****I know this goes outside the positive realm, but I had to tell you this. In February when our match fell through we changed our profile to bi-racial and latino. In March I checked with the pregnancy worker in our area and she said it was done and not to worry. I spoke with our new case worker two weeks ago and she told me IT NEVER GOT CHANGED! For four freaking months we weren't showed to the majority of the birth mothers because they dropped the ball. We are thinking if we don't get matched before our homestudy expires (Jan) then we will demand they pay for 3/4 of the renewal price because it was their fault we lost four months. What do you think?
I haven't posted because I haven't wanted to read how crappy things have been lately. There's been no desire to write. I get ready to and then realize that even I am tired of listening to myself whine.
So I'm going to write only about the positive things.
- I got that job, and I really like it. I've been there since May 27th.
- We have been assigned a loan processor for our modification after they said they couldn't process it because I didn't send them any pay recent pay stubs - HELLO! OUT OF WORK!
- We have a new case worker and we met her on Wednesday. She seems nice, but she's new to the agency and we'll see if she's competent. So far no one else has been.
- We let her know exactly how we feel about the agency and EVERYTHING that has gone wrong from the beginning until now****
- My dog no longer smells like a sewer rat. Thank you dog groomers for fixing the noxious beast.
- I get to make these and these for my best friends bridal shower next weekend. I am scared but also very, very excited to eat them. I am also making a GIANT cupcake too. The shower is on her birthday and cupcakes are her most very favorite food.
And that is all for now, since I have to get ready for work.
****I know this goes outside the positive realm, but I had to tell you this. In February when our match fell through we changed our profile to bi-racial and latino. In March I checked with the pregnancy worker in our area and she said it was done and not to worry. I spoke with our new case worker two weeks ago and she told me IT NEVER GOT CHANGED! For four freaking months we weren't showed to the majority of the birth mothers because they dropped the ball. We are thinking if we don't get matched before our homestudy expires (Jan) then we will demand they pay for 3/4 of the renewal price because it was their fault we lost four months. What do you think?
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Jobs and Houses
I turned in my 27th application today. I also got an interview for Friday. One interview for 27 applications.
Crazy.
We started the loan modification process last week (4-5 months it will take if they can even help us) and Friday we are meeting with our Realtors to put our home on the market. I doubt it will sell, even as a short sale, but we need to do something to protect ourselves from a foreclosure.
So far everyone in our close circle of friends and family has been really supportive. Except for my MIL. We talked to her on Mother's Day and updated her on what is going on (except for putting the house on the market, we just decided that Monday and aren't going to tell you quite yet) and she totally flipped her lid.
We explained that we only have enough money to pay for one more month of bills and after that we will stop paying the mortgage and pay our other bills. We also told her we were OK with where this is all going, and by OK I mean not ready to throw ourselves off of a bridge OK, she is not. She told me I need to look harder for a job and that even a job making $5/hr is better than nothing and that would at least help. We told her I was looking and haven't heard from anyone and even if I were to get a job making what I was before (NOT LIKELY) we still would not be able to pay the mortgage.
She hasn't returned any of our phone calls this week. It's really quite sad that she is so upset by this. I understand her being concerned because we are her children. I think she is taking it a bit too far though. The main issue is that we are Christians and she is not - therefore we make our decisions based on the bible and prayer and she doesn't. She doesn't understand anything that we are doing. We both feel, as do my parents and friends, that we are being pro-active and trying everything we can not to go into foreclosure. She sees this as being irresponsible.
Even if we were able to keep the house, we would more than likely not be able to sell within the next 10-15 years. The market here has crashed so badly and is still bounding lower that it wouldn't make much sense. We are already $75,000 upside down in our house and things aren't looking better right now.
We know that God has a plan for this and we feel like we are doing everything we can (I am looking for a job daily, we are making good faith efforts to pay our bills and have gotten several processes started to save the house) and whatever happens will happen. It's just sad that she is taking this so personally that she can't even talk to us right now.
We are both doing ok with all of this, not great, but ok. It's never a fun prospect to lose your home. But in reality it is just stuff and we cannot take stuff with us when we die. Nor were we put here on earth just to accumulate stuff. I keep repeating to mr. sparky that it doesn't matter where we live or how many cars we have or how much xtra stuff we can afford. As long as we are together and we are doing well, that is all that matters.
Crazy.
We started the loan modification process last week (4-5 months it will take if they can even help us) and Friday we are meeting with our Realtors to put our home on the market. I doubt it will sell, even as a short sale, but we need to do something to protect ourselves from a foreclosure.
So far everyone in our close circle of friends and family has been really supportive. Except for my MIL. We talked to her on Mother's Day and updated her on what is going on (except for putting the house on the market, we just decided that Monday and aren't going to tell you quite yet) and she totally flipped her lid.
We explained that we only have enough money to pay for one more month of bills and after that we will stop paying the mortgage and pay our other bills. We also told her we were OK with where this is all going, and by OK I mean not ready to throw ourselves off of a bridge OK, she is not. She told me I need to look harder for a job and that even a job making $5/hr is better than nothing and that would at least help. We told her I was looking and haven't heard from anyone and even if I were to get a job making what I was before (NOT LIKELY) we still would not be able to pay the mortgage.
She hasn't returned any of our phone calls this week. It's really quite sad that she is so upset by this. I understand her being concerned because we are her children. I think she is taking it a bit too far though. The main issue is that we are Christians and she is not - therefore we make our decisions based on the bible and prayer and she doesn't. She doesn't understand anything that we are doing. We both feel, as do my parents and friends, that we are being pro-active and trying everything we can not to go into foreclosure. She sees this as being irresponsible.
Even if we were able to keep the house, we would more than likely not be able to sell within the next 10-15 years. The market here has crashed so badly and is still bounding lower that it wouldn't make much sense. We are already $75,000 upside down in our house and things aren't looking better right now.
We know that God has a plan for this and we feel like we are doing everything we can (I am looking for a job daily, we are making good faith efforts to pay our bills and have gotten several processes started to save the house) and whatever happens will happen. It's just sad that she is taking this so personally that she can't even talk to us right now.
We are both doing ok with all of this, not great, but ok. It's never a fun prospect to lose your home. But in reality it is just stuff and we cannot take stuff with us when we die. Nor were we put here on earth just to accumulate stuff. I keep repeating to mr. sparky that it doesn't matter where we live or how many cars we have or how much xtra stuff we can afford. As long as we are together and we are doing well, that is all that matters.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Mish Mash
All you get today is a bunch of jumble.
I still have not found a job. I have applied to over 20 positions and not heard one thing. And you know what? I'm ok with this. And Mr. Sparky is 75% ok with this (which is an improvement from 25%, so I will take it!).
Last week was one of the best weeks we've had since we were married. There was no stress, we didn't argue once!, we spent all our time together laughing and cuddling and just BEING together. It was wonderful. Mr. Sparky even said he liked me being home.
I think the best part is that I am at peace with not having a job. Oh, don't get me wrong. I have been working for fifteen years and part of my mind is screaming at me to be DOING SOMETHING FOR MONEY. ANYTHING**. But that part is minuscule compared to the part of me that is loving this.
Domesticity. It is a good fit for me. Last night at bible study the men were asked what made their wives good wives and Mr. Sparky said that I am a great housewife. That I take good care of him and that the past week has made him realize how much I really do around the house. there is nothing I would have asked to hear in place of that. Knowing that he loves having me home, even with a major financial crisis about the strike our household. I feel that this is where I should have been a long time ago.
Now I don't know what God has in store. I am dutifully applying for jobs left and right and if he wants me to have a job he will provide one. If not, I am fully OK with that.
School is out of the question - we were denied on the loan. Which is good, since God has a plan and all.
Now for M. M was our birth mom. We were matched and then exactly one month later she changed her mind (well, the ex-boyfriend changed her mind, but that's neither here nor there). It was devastating but after a week it was ok. I have been praying for the three of them sporadically ever since. But thankfully they haven't been weighing on my mind, not the ever present ghosts I thought they would be.
Until last week. I cannot get her out of my head. Not the baby, not the ex, but her. For some reason God has planted her firmly on my heart to be praying for her, and hard. So I have been. Of course I've been throwing in prayers for the ex and the baby, they are a package deal and I truly want the best for them, but it has been her specifically that I feel so strongly to pray for.
Now don't think that I still have a hope that this baby is ours. We signed off the love connection long ago. But I still care about them. Because that's what we are supposed to do as Christians, care about others. Especially since their circumstances are so very difficult. I can't help but wonder why all of a sudden I am to be praying for her and why she won't leave my mind. I'm sure some of it has to do with the fact that two babies were born within 15 hours of each other last week or that her due date is quickly approaching(June 25 - same as Rebekah's!). It's an odd situation. One I never thought I'd be in. Praying for a woman who has no relation to me who is carrying a child that might have once been ours but isn't.
I cleaned out the nursery over the weekend. I took the bedding off (I'm selling it so I can make my own) and put everything that was out away. It's just too hard to look at sometimes. I would have taken the crib apart but Mr. Sparky stopped me. There are certain things that make him feel better along this journey. For instance, the crib. And the high chair that has been in our dining room for almost a year. We brought it out for friends and he wouldn't let me put it away. It's his security blanket, or reminder that we ARE supposed to be parents and that one day it will happen. I love him for that.
I hate my hair. It needs to be cut and I can't afford it. I want to go shorter, but am afraid to. My hair requires a lot of work with short hair and I am afraid that we will get a baby and then I will always look a disaster because I won't have time nor care to fix my hair.
That was a very shallow paragraph. I told you this would be jumble.
**I won't do ANYTHING for money. My husband actually suggested that I could be his personal hooker and I could make money that way. He failed to truly think that through. He would be paying me with OUR money. Men, not so bright when they think with the wrong organ!
I still have not found a job. I have applied to over 20 positions and not heard one thing. And you know what? I'm ok with this. And Mr. Sparky is 75% ok with this (which is an improvement from 25%, so I will take it!).
Last week was one of the best weeks we've had since we were married. There was no stress, we didn't argue once!, we spent all our time together laughing and cuddling and just BEING together. It was wonderful. Mr. Sparky even said he liked me being home.
I think the best part is that I am at peace with not having a job. Oh, don't get me wrong. I have been working for fifteen years and part of my mind is screaming at me to be DOING SOMETHING FOR MONEY. ANYTHING**. But that part is minuscule compared to the part of me that is loving this.
Domesticity. It is a good fit for me. Last night at bible study the men were asked what made their wives good wives and Mr. Sparky said that I am a great housewife. That I take good care of him and that the past week has made him realize how much I really do around the house. there is nothing I would have asked to hear in place of that. Knowing that he loves having me home, even with a major financial crisis about the strike our household. I feel that this is where I should have been a long time ago.
Now I don't know what God has in store. I am dutifully applying for jobs left and right and if he wants me to have a job he will provide one. If not, I am fully OK with that.
School is out of the question - we were denied on the loan. Which is good, since God has a plan and all.
Now for M. M was our birth mom. We were matched and then exactly one month later she changed her mind (well, the ex-boyfriend changed her mind, but that's neither here nor there). It was devastating but after a week it was ok. I have been praying for the three of them sporadically ever since. But thankfully they haven't been weighing on my mind, not the ever present ghosts I thought they would be.
Until last week. I cannot get her out of my head. Not the baby, not the ex, but her. For some reason God has planted her firmly on my heart to be praying for her, and hard. So I have been. Of course I've been throwing in prayers for the ex and the baby, they are a package deal and I truly want the best for them, but it has been her specifically that I feel so strongly to pray for.
Now don't think that I still have a hope that this baby is ours. We signed off the love connection long ago. But I still care about them. Because that's what we are supposed to do as Christians, care about others. Especially since their circumstances are so very difficult. I can't help but wonder why all of a sudden I am to be praying for her and why she won't leave my mind. I'm sure some of it has to do with the fact that two babies were born within 15 hours of each other last week or that her due date is quickly approaching(June 25 - same as Rebekah's!). It's an odd situation. One I never thought I'd be in. Praying for a woman who has no relation to me who is carrying a child that might have once been ours but isn't.
I cleaned out the nursery over the weekend. I took the bedding off (I'm selling it so I can make my own) and put everything that was out away. It's just too hard to look at sometimes. I would have taken the crib apart but Mr. Sparky stopped me. There are certain things that make him feel better along this journey. For instance, the crib. And the high chair that has been in our dining room for almost a year. We brought it out for friends and he wouldn't let me put it away. It's his security blanket, or reminder that we ARE supposed to be parents and that one day it will happen. I love him for that.
I hate my hair. It needs to be cut and I can't afford it. I want to go shorter, but am afraid to. My hair requires a lot of work with short hair and I am afraid that we will get a baby and then I will always look a disaster because I won't have time nor care to fix my hair.
That was a very shallow paragraph. I told you this would be jumble.
**I won't do ANYTHING for money. My husband actually suggested that I could be his personal hooker and I could make money that way. He failed to truly think that through. He would be paying me with OUR money. Men, not so bright when they think with the wrong organ!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Stress is the Enemy
Last Monday I woke up to an extremely angry case of eczema on my hands. That only happens when I'm stressed. Sunday night I got my period.
There was a mixture of sadness and relief, but mostly relief. I know that if God wants us to have a baby right now it would be ok. But I am still without a job and there will be no school this May so basically I have nothing - no income no future career.
And I am ok with this. I have started an Et.sy shop and once I get pictures taken of my items I will link to it here. Hopefully this will bring in some extra cash. If not, it will still be fun for me.
Yesterday I went into work and thought on my way up the elevator, "Wouldn't it be nice if they let me go today instead of finishing out the next two weeks?" An hour and 15 minutes later I was out the door. They decided last week that it was too hard and knew that I was stressed about not finding a job so they let me go but are still paying me for those next two weeks.
It will be interesting to see what happens. I don't want another office job, I've been doing that for 15 years and I'm ready for a change. We'll see, God has his own plans. In the mean time I am going to work on my stress levels.
There was a mixture of sadness and relief, but mostly relief. I know that if God wants us to have a baby right now it would be ok. But I am still without a job and there will be no school this May so basically I have nothing - no income no future career.
And I am ok with this. I have started an Et.sy shop and once I get pictures taken of my items I will link to it here. Hopefully this will bring in some extra cash. If not, it will still be fun for me.
Yesterday I went into work and thought on my way up the elevator, "Wouldn't it be nice if they let me go today instead of finishing out the next two weeks?" An hour and 15 minutes later I was out the door. They decided last week that it was too hard and knew that I was stressed about not finding a job so they let me go but are still paying me for those next two weeks.
It will be interesting to see what happens. I don't want another office job, I've been doing that for 15 years and I'm ready for a change. We'll see, God has his own plans. In the mean time I am going to work on my stress levels.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)