Monday, June 30, 2008

The Letter - Part II

The letter is finished and at the printers as we speak. Tomorrow it will be mailed off with a $1,000 to our agency and the wait will begin.

I am relieved. No . . . . I am . . . . I am a mixed bag of emotions.

This ends the busyrunningaroundcollectingofinformation phase and I am not too sure what exactly I am supposed to do now. We have every document accounted for and turned in, we have the nursery (pictures to come once I get Mr. Sparky to move the dresser....again), there is nothing more we can buy (because we don't know what we are having and we don't' have any money).

I suppose I could touch up the paint in the baby's room, I do need to paint the outlet covers and straighten a few of the stripes.

I am not good at the waiting thing. I never have been. I LOVE instant gratification. With this adoption thing, it is hard to explain the emotions. I know what the outcome will be - a baby. I just do not have a time line. And I hate not having a time line.

I feel so unprepared. Not with the physical stuff -crib, car seat, etc. But with the emotional stuff that is just lingering around the corner. I don't know if YOU know this, but apparently there will be a living, breathing child at the end of this that WE will be responsible for. And that is mind blowing.

There is just so much I am not ready for...

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The Letter

We finally have a letter. Luckily for me my mom's an editor so after our case worker told us it looked good I sent it off to my mom and she made some changes.

If you wouldn't mind, I'm going to post it here and have you all see what you think - basically I need you all to pat me on the back and say really encouraging things like - "Oh Nessa that is the BEST birthmother letter I've ever read. EVER!" or "Wow, who wouldn't want to pick you guys!" You know, things like that.

A girl does like to get her ego stroked every now and then.

So here it is (obviously I've changed a few things - Mr. Sparky wasn't really born in Middle Earth and I was not born in Narnia. Obviously).

Hi, we’re Mr. Sparky and Nessa (and our four-legged baby, Austin). We’d like to thank you for taking the time to get to know us a little better. Hopefully, we will soon get to know you too. There is no way we could ever fully appreciate the hard decisions that you are facing today, but we want you to know that we pray for you and your health as well as your baby every day.

We have been married for three and a half years and each of us feels as though we married our best friend. The day after Thanksgiving 2003 we met on a blind date. By the third date we knew we were meant for each other. A little less than a year later, on October 16, 2004, we were married in Nessa's parents’ backyard. Both of us grew up in Arizona: Mr. Sparky was born and raised in Middle Earth, moving to the Podunk area in 1999, and Nessa was born in Narnia, moving to Phoenix with her parents and older brothers at age five. After we were married, Nessa joined Mr. Sparky in Podunk. We now live in a quiet neighborhood in Litlle Podunk with a great park right down the street. Our house sits on a large lot with plenty of room for kids to run and play. In fact, Austin loves to run around and play fetch out there. Well, mostly we just play chase, but he’s learning!

Before we were married we started dreaming of the family we would one day build together. Nessa has wanted to be a mom since she could say the word “baby” and Mr. Sparky has always looked forward to that “someday” when he would get the chance to be a dad. Since Mr. Sparky was adopted as a newborn, we always knew that we would include adoption in our family planning at some point. After several years of trying to conceive, God led us to recognize that “some point” was now.

Friends & Family
We treasure our relationships with friends and family. Nessa's parents, brother’s and their families, as well as a few aunts and uncles, live in Phoenix and are all very close knit. We love to play games, have BBQs, and spend as much time together as possible. Watching her brother’s children grow up (they are now teenagers!) has been a great experience for Nessa. She loved to participate in their care and be part of their lives. And now Nessa's mom is definitely ready for another baby in the family! Mr. Sparky is an only child and his mom lives in Phoenix while his grandparents and father still live in Middle Earth. He is very close to his mom and we try to see his grandparents several times a year.

Even though we don’t have family here in the Podunk area we have been blessed with incredibly caring friends. We belong to a small group at our church with several other couples all going through the parenting experience at the same time, so we have a wealth of knowledge and experience at our fingertips. Our small group has been amazing through this whole process, praying for us and always offering their support in any way possible. We also have a close knit group of friends in Phoenix that we keep in constant touch with and Nessa has a particularly amazing friend who has been by her side through thick and thin.

Our faith in Christ is our foundation. We have relied on that strength to get us through the inevitable rocky episodes in life and have been blessed by it in the joyous times. We are very involved in our church—more of an extended family, really—and feel settled and at home there. We know that God has brought us here and has a perfect plan for our family. We cannot wait to raise our children in a Godly, warm and caring atmosphere and to share Jesus Christ with them.

Mr. Sparky from Nessa's Viewpoint

Mr. Sparky is an amazing husband and he will make an amazing father. He his very caring and has a sensitive heart, and yet has a quiet strength that I can rely on and respect. His character and integrity will provide a solid and positive role model for our children. There is no way I could have chosen a better husband and best friend than Mr. Sparky. I’m excited about spending the rest of my life with him and raising a family with him.

His love for the outdoors is second only to his love for me. Anything that involves the outside is at the top of his favorites list—camping, hiking, back-roading, and traveling all over Arizona.

Mr. Sparky has worked in law enforcement for the last nine years and absolutely loves his job! In December of 2007 he graduated from the police academy and is now a Patrol Deputy with the Podunk County Sheriff’s Office. Before that he was a Sergeant for the detention side of the Sheriff’s Office. At age three he would walk around arresting family members and putting them in “jail”! His cautious nature and measured responses have suited him perfectly to achieving his dream of becoming a police officer.

Quick Facts About Mr. Sparky:
Favorite Movie: Back to the Future
Favorite Desert: Chocolate cake
Favorite Music/Bands: Christian, 80’s music, Cold Play, Justin Unger, Chris Tomlin
Favorite Food: Steak and potatoes
Favorite Drink: Coca Cola

Nessa from Mr. Sparky’s Viewpoint
With her natural affinity toward children, Nessa was designed by God to be a mom. If she loves our children half as much as she does me, they will be the most loved children in the world. She is very supportive of my dreams and goals. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t be the man I am today without her. She takes very good care of me, Austin and our house – she makes our house a real home.

For the last year and a half Nessa has managed the office of a small law firm in the area. Her passions include Jesus first and foremost, then reading, anything outdoorsy, music, cooking and crafts. Nessa has played the piano since she was five. Music soothes her and is such a huge element of her inner being that she can’t wait to share that special part of her with a little one.

Quick Facts About Nessa:
Favorite Movie: White Christmas
Favorite Desert: Black Forest Cake
Favorite Music/Bands: Christian Music, Classical, Frank Sinatra, Justin Unger, Police
Favorite Food: Mashed Potatoes
Favorite Drink: Diet Dr. Pepper

Well, there you have it. I have a boat load of pictures (we're allowed 6 pages to do whatever we want to them) that we (me and my friend S) will put togethe(scapbook) tomorrow night and then it will get sent off to the agency. And then this whole silliness of letters and perfection will be put behind me.

Let me know what you guys think. I really value your opinions and input!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Mish-Mash and Other Exciting Jumble


Testing.. 1...2..3...

Is this thing on?


Is anyone still out there?? (I'd really be surprised)

I hate it when I open a blog and it's this huge post about about why the blogger hasn't been posting. So I won't do that. . . too much.

It's just that things have been really overwhelming and work has sucked ( I almost got fired, it was all very dramatic and whatnot) and yeah. So that's all I'm going to say about that.

Things are moving along quite steadily on the adoption front. We had our final home study appointment on May 30 and it went really well. That was also the day I almost got fired. So it was a mixed bag kind of day with LOTS of crying.

I cannot tell you how much I love our case worker. If we had met under any other circumstances we would have been best friends by now, swapping stories and recipes and getting mani/pedi's together. Except I don't often get mani/pedi's or swap recipes with my friends. The last appointment is at our home, she comes and inspects it to make sure there aren't any dangers lurking in the wings waiting to snatch a tiny helpless babe if they should deem us acceptable. I had been working myself up about this meeting for weeks! Would my house be clean enough, would it be ok that we only had two bedrooms (but they're big!) and no grass anywhere to be found (unless you count the mass attack of weeds as grass, but hey, we've been busy so back off).

The night before, I had these grand plans to scrub the crap out of my house. But see? I am not a cleaner, so guess what I did instead - well, I don't really remember but it surely wasn't cleaning. So Friday morning before our appointment at 10:00 (hello my name is Nessa and I am a PROCRASTINATOR extraordinaire) Mr. Sparky and I cleaned every nook and cranny that hadn't been touched since we moved in almost two years ago. Guess how much time she looked at the house. A grand total of 5 minutes. She didn't even look in the back yard to see if we had any pools or a spas that a potential child could fall in to ( because dude, our agency will make you board up the in ground spa and most couples just back fill them in!). She said our house was cute and that was that. I love this woman!

Before the enjoyable tour, because seriously who doesn't love to show off their home, we had our one-on-one meetings. They save these until last and I am very grateful for that because it would have been AWKWARD if it had been the first meeting we had with her. She asks really hard and uncomfortable questions like , "How's your sex life?" and other such nonsense. My reply? How do you think it is? We've been trying to have a kid for the last 2.5 years with no luck and I have a disease that makes it super un-fun. But really, according to her our sex life is really good compared to most couples they see, so yeah for us I guess.

But I digress - so much has happened since I wrote the above paragraphs(I can't even remember the date I wrote them...that is how long it has been since I've even thought about writing. Except of course for the bird poop post cuz dude? That was gross!). Things at work have gotten a little better. They hired a woman to work part time until I need to leave and then she takes over full time until I come back then back to part time. But you get that, you're smart and apparently I am lucky since most employers do not do this where I live.

Today however was a day I will never forget. It was simultaneously the best and worst day I've had in a long time, which doesn't make much sense, but . . . whatever. So yesterday there was this meeting at our agency and our case worker presented us again (with the myriad of info she gained from our last meeting -but not the sex stuff. She promised she wouldn't talk about the sex stuff) and apparently we are so dazzling and we would make such wonderful parents they approved us right away. That's right folks - Nessa and Mr. Sparky are officially ON THE LIST!

Except there is a hitch in our giddy-up. We cannot write our letter. How do you write this mysterious letter that the woman who will choose us to be the parents of her child? How do you not sound like a total jack-ass nor like a pompous tool? If any of you know the answer's to these questions, please please fill me in. We have known about this letter for months yet all we have is a rough draft ( I would post it here for your expertise and words of wisdom but it has too much identifiable info and that would creep the Mr. out). A ROUGH DRAFT people, that is it. So our goal is to finish that by Monday so we can be chosen, because without the letter it does us no good to be on this list. Truly.

You can see the good that today brought, but one is probably wondering how at all this could be the worst day as well. Tomorrow is my surrogate grandfather's funeral and I just found out about it today. I will not be in attendance as it is two hours away and I cannot take the time off of work. So Bert/Ernie (do not ask it is too long to explain why he has two names - just know it involves toupees) I do not know your relationship with Christ, so I don't know where you are at the moment, but I'm glad you are no longer suffering on this world and I miss you. Also a friend of my parents died suddenly on Tuesday. She was in her mid-50's and had been having horrid stomach aches. They did an ultrasound and found some fibroid tumors in her uterus. Monday they went to remove them and when the doctor opened her up he immediately closed her up and told her husband there was nothing he could do, there was too much cancer (I still don't know how they got from fibroids to cancer, but whatever) and they should make her comfortable for her last few months. She died the next day.

So our joy is overshadowed by two deaths, one expected the other not. It makes me sad to think that a husband will no longer have his best friend to share the rest of his life with, that so suddenly the life he knew is no more.

But enough sad stuff - I'm starting to get really weepy and I'm all alone - it's a celebration day, a day of excitement and of new beginnings.

(Thank you to the one person still reading, it means a lot!)

Yoka - I have not forgotten about you. In fact I am going to send you an e-mail right now.

Friday, June 13, 2008

The Grossest Thing Ever... or...Why I Really Do Not Like Birds

Last night we were going to grill salmon. Mr. Sparky went outside to start the grill and seconds later he's calling me out there. All over our grill (the inside mind you) was bird poop and the beginnings of a nest! They have been crawling up through the holes in the bottom to freaking POOP IN OUR GRILL.

I am utterly disgusted. It' s probably payback for moving the nest(and the egg) that had made it's home on top of our front porch light. I was going to take a picture for you, but Mr. Sparky took it down before I could.**

This just reinforces my already FIRM feelings that birds, all birds (even the really majestic and pretty ones) are disgusting and I do not want them anywhere near my home.

Do you hear that birdies??? I will SHOOT YOU WITH OUR SHOTGUN UNTIL THERE ARE NO MORE OF YOU!!!!!

I have a post brewing with actual content soon.

** In our defense we did not know there was an egg until he had gotten it down and then he put it in a safe place. At least it was safe until the gale force winds came down and blew the thing right out of the tree.