Monday, August 27, 2007


It's been awhile. A lot has been going on. Mr. Sparky is starting his third week of "boot camp" for the local sheriff's office and we have been writing a lot of papers. Actually, I have been writing a lot of paper's. I'm very excited for him, he's doing so well and he's really getting into shape! He's lost 8 lbs since he started and he has no fat left on him at all. I find this rather disgusting as I have a much greater amount than he. Soon he will start lifting weights at academy and will start to buff up. He's got a runner's body, long and lean, so he really needs to work on his upper body strength.

I started a new "diet" last week. It isn't really a weight loss diet, it's an immune reset diet. Last year I was diagnosed with a condition called Inter*stitial Cystitis. It's a very painful condition of the bladder that can be very debilitating. The best way to describe it is this - there a million little paper cuts all over the lining of my bladder so any toxins can get "inside" the lining. VERY painful. It took them a year and a half to figure out what was wrong with me and there is no cure, only treatment. I feel too young to be dealing with all of this and the five times a day medication I need to take. So I'm embarking on this new diet. Hopefully it will help. I feel like crap right now due to the detox, but on the upside, I lost 6 lbs last week alone! So maybe this will help get the 40lbs I need to lose off.

Lots more to talk about, forgiveness of those who've hurt ones you care about and spiritual attacks. But not enough time.

Friday, August 24, 2007


Please go and visit two dear women who've had beautiful blessings on the same day. Dooney and Mare. Congrats ladies!!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

The Game

Right after I hit Post I realized I had not done spell check. So, so sorry for the mispells if any.

Infirtles the world over know about The Game. We've all played it. Sometimes it's an easy version and sometimes it's harder than reading Shakespear in Sanscrit. I am playing a particularly engrossing version right this moment, with only six day to go until I find out the ending (which by the way will more than likely be tragic, like Romeo and Juliet, except there will be no poison for me in the end).

The waiting is not the worst part for me, it's the mind torture I go through every five minutes. One minute I KNOW I'm pregnant, so sure that I'm figuring out my maternity leave. The next, I am ridiculing myself for even thinking this is it. What would make this time any different than the last 30 times?

Poor, poor infirtles. And I don't mean that in a pity sense. It's horrible enough to deal with the causes or the "mystery" causes, the financial aspect, the toll it takes on our marriages. Why do we have to play The Game as well? I cannot wait for this damn game to end.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Of Dogs and Men

The last three days at my house have involved the following:

Saturday - a trip to the vet for our beloved Shepard mix Austin. He has been throwing up randomly for the last six weeks. Finally I was able to get him to the vet. Two hundred dollars later he feels much, much better. As do I, we just had our carpets cleaned and he tends to leave a lot of stains.

It was sad though - Jax, the puppy, was so sad the two hours Austin was gone all he could do was cry. It was the cutest/saddest thing I have ever seen. The rest of Saturday and all of Sunday was spent running around spending money we don't have on Mr. Sparky's patrol academy. That man is becoming VERY expensive!! But I got a very cute new bed set out of it, so I guess it's ok.

So I bet you thought the throwing up had ended, right? Me too. Unfortunately this is not the case. After I got home, I got a call from Mr. Sparky saying he was on his way home and every muscle in his body hurt(basically started boot camp today). He came home, laid down on the bathroom floor and made crude comments about me breasts as I undressed him. PIG! I liked it though. Threw him in the shower and made dinner. After eating two bites of food (this is very unusual, he has the appetite of a 15 yr old boy) he fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, the poor thing is in the bathroom throwing everything up. I swear, it was everything he has eaten in the last 48 hours. I really wasn't much help either. My motto - if you didn't come from by body, I do NOT want to see, smell or hear the throwing up. And since Mr. Sparky did not come from my body, ewwwww.

He's now in bed, burning up. I don't think it's the flu - no temp, but he CANNOT miss a single minute of academy. And I'm not exaggerating. The only time they have made an exception is for a friend of ours who was almost done with the academy and got sent to Afghanistan. So I beg of you Internet, pray like you have never prayed before that this is just dehydration and not anything serious.

That's what I'm gonna do.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Rough Patch

This year has been hard. A good year in general, but a very hard year baby wise.

Last Feb. Mr. Sparky and I joined a small group at our church. Four other couples our age, one with a little boy and another on the way(at the time, they have since had a gorgeous little girl) and another with two kids. The second time we went, I found out all but one other girl was pregnant. It was hard, we finally told them about our struggles and they were amazingly understanding. In fact, one couple had tried for two years before they got pregnant, she has PCOS and was told she would never get pregnant on her own, so they were starting the adoption process.

A few weeks later, the at one couple's baptism at church, they announced they too were pregnant. The last couple besides us to conceive. At that moment I broke into tears. Luckily every one else was crying in our group(the ladies anyway) because of excitement, mine were just anger and frustration. I know God has put us in this group for a reason. I just haven't figured out what that reason is. He is in charge and I have finally gotten around to allowing that to sink in and actually believe it. Mr. Sparky has never had a problem with that, being that this isn't his entire life's mission!

In April, one of my good friends announced she was 3 months along at Mr. Sparky's 30th b-day party. It was the hardest thing I have ever heard. They weren't really "trying" and as much as I know they will make good parents, she has always said she's too selfish right now for kids. It stung like you wouldn't believe.

Well, the point of this post is that now all these babies will be arriving starting any day now and working on through November. Which means, in the last month I've attended two baby showers and have two more to go, not to mention the actual babies! Don't' get me wrong, I'm excited for my friends, but am so sad at the same time. October will be the two year mark and we've decided to go ahead with the adoption process. We'll turn our app in around Christmas and start the home study in January. It would be sooner, except Mr. Sparky starts his academy on Monday. He is a Sgt. with the local Sheriff's office in the jail and is now moving onto patrol, which is what he has always wanted. It just seems God brings everything at once. I would love to start the adoption process now, but academy is like boot camp for the army. Ridiculously hard and they have to write papers every week, etc, etc.

So I feel like I'm floundering. It's hard and nobody in my real life gets it! In fact my best friend just the other day said, "You will still get pregnant, why are you so concerned about this?" And I told her that 80-85% of couples get pregnant within 1 yr, 90-95% within 1.5 yrs and so my chances are pretty slim. She still doesn't get it.

My body is doing weird things right now, and I don't think that's helping. I ovulated earlier t his week and the day after I o'd, my boobs got big and my nips started to hurt. I don't know if it's my imagination, although Mr. Sparky says they are HUGE, but stuff like this only happens the week before my period. So I'm in a funk, not sure what's going on, tired of getting my hopes up just to have my period show and have to start over again.

Plus - this week has sucked butt at work. At least it's Friday and the weekend is here.

Friday, August 3, 2007

The Duggar's

I've watched with sick interest as the Duggar's multiply exponentially. Just yesterday they welcomed a new little Duggar(,21985,22183928-663,00.html). I don't know if I have any words for this. Happy that someone can have kids, yet somehow a little irked that she is having them all, for the entire nation. I guess God bless is in order for the other words I was thinking of are not so kind!

P.S. I don't know how to make links without posting the whole address - can someone please, pretty pretty please, show me how?