Friday, September 28, 2007


In case I haven't made it abundantly clear, I am a dork. A big one. And I am very ok with this. It isn't something I try to hide, all of my friends, family and especially Mr. Sparky know this well. So here goes my dorkiness.

I am totally in love with sitemeter. The premise, the results, the different ways I can see who is visiting me, and the cherry on top? - The fact that people ARE visiting me. I never in my wildest dreams thought people would read my drivel, sometimes I don't want to read my drivel. Yet, on a daily basis you people come visit me. And from ALL OVER THE WORLD. While I'm not new to the blog world I am new to the writing in the blog world and sometimes forget this crap is really out there, for THE WHOLE WORLD to read. And that my friends, makes me giggle inside like a little school girl.

I love to see the different locations listed and try to figure out who they are by their blogs. And if you dont' have one, that makes it difficult, but nonetheless exciting! See - big dork. But I'm ok with that. I had a heart attack the first time I saw someone from Minnesota because um, my whole family lives there and I thought, "Egads! They've found me and now I can't tell any of my family secrets - who the black sheep is, who has no eyelashes and so forth". Then stupid me remembers that I have a blogging "friend" if you will, who lives in MN. But the ones that really get me? People from the other side of the world. I love the fact that people can randomly stumble across my blog while I'm sleeping in the cold dark night and they are lounging around on the beach preparing for a surf boarding Santa to come riding in! See the excitement? No?

I never thought I would be useful for others in my situation, whatever that may be, that this would be solely therapeutic for me. Hah, but I love you all and please let me know when you come around. I won't harass or anything, even if you disagree with what I have to say. That doesn't mean you can be snarky(love, love, love that word), it means that I would love to say hi back. So, Hi, in advance.

Thanks to those who read, those who just stroll around to see what's on the shelves and those who are just window shopping. Have a great day.

P.S. - can you believe snarky get's spell checked? Silly dictionary.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

10:22 **UPDATED

It is only 10:22 am and I am so ready to be done with my day. Of course I got here at 6:15, but still, the day is no where close to being over. Blech.

I just had to tell you how much I love my husband. A LOT. For no particular reason (although on more than a few occasions I have wanted to kill him), I just wanted the internets to know this. I am also very proud of him. He is succeeding very well in the academy, his average test scores are 92%. School is not his thing, he is much more a hands on man and so seeing this pleases me to no end.

Have a wonderful afternoon/morning/evening wherever you are in the world, and may you always have someone you love more than life itself.

P.S. - I HAVE GOT TO PEE - just a little tidbit I knew you were all dying to know.

Folks this is bad, very bad. I feel like I could gouge my eyes out. Will this day never end? And on a side note, I have to pee again. There is something about posting and peeing.

Oh, sometimes I hate my boss. Like right this very second. I can see the hate oozing out of every pore. I need a drink. But, I'm ovulating and apparently I have hope still that this whole sex on our own thing will work! Somebody please take whatever it is I'm smoking away from me and deliver a firm yet loving smack across my face, Dynasty style. Thanks.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Business, or Busy-ness, or Busi-ness? Maybe?

Goodness, it's been awhile! I cannot believe how ridiculously busy I have been. Mr. Sparky's academy is kicking our butts, and his ankles! Saturday I spent the day in Phoenix at a baby shower and drove home that afternoon.

By the time I got home (6ish) his ankle was the size of a softball. So, off to the ER we go. Good news - no broken bones(my biggest worry was stress fracture), bad news - VERY.BAD.SPRAIN. NO physical activity for at least a week. People, he is in POLICE ACADEMY, where they run 12 miles a week! and get kicked out for injuries!! Luckily, his supervisors are being cool about it and are letting him rest. It's funny though, he has a splint on it and he can't get it into his boots. So he's wearing one boot and one tennis shoe with his uniform - very professional.

Last Tuesday I did my day 3 tests and heard back from favorite RN today. All looks fantastic and I am super fertile! That's kinda funny. So I asked her what's next, day 20 tests and if those look good another deposit from the Mr. will be required. I don't know how to tell him that. He is not fond of that procedure. It would be ok if we could do it at home, but we live more than 20 minutes from the ONLY lab in the county who can do the testing, so it's a bathroom right next to the check in counter for us!

I started working 50 hr weeks this week and will be until Christmas. A major project to finish and we need to money. It sucks, I'm tired, but it won't be forever. I can do anything for a few months as long as there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hmmm, that reminds me of that Third Day song - I'll find the lyrics, be right back....

Ok, that wasn't that hard. I love that song. It's such a good reminder that whatever we are going through, God is always going to get us through, there is always an end to the struggles. It may not be the end WE had hoped and prayed for, but the perfect ending God has already written. I love being a child of GOd, it is so refreshing to know that with all of the insanity of life, we can lay down in His hands and be comforted, knowing he will take care of us. The only problem I have with that, is He and I are not on the same time frame. Really must have a talk with him about that!

Anyway, that's a quickie, maybe more later. Ohh, I did find out I'm getting something pretty for our 3rd anniversary (Oct. 16). I tried to yell at him for buying me something when we don't have the money, but he said he wasn't buying it, it was coming from his mother - which means something sparkly!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Something posted at Dooney's site made me think of this and laugh, so I had to share. Since Mr. Sparky is in police academy he has been very sore and he leaves the Icy Hot on his night stand. Well, the other night we were, well, you know, trying to make a baby and he reached for the "little helper". It was dark and we were in a hurry to get things moving along and he reached out and grabbed the tube and started to squeeze. Well, before he could get any further I yelled, "STOP!" I could smell the distinct odor of curiously strong mint (thanks Alt*ids for the slogan). Can you imagine what would have happened had he actually gotten any further?? I shudder to think of the consequences. Needless to say, my lady bits were very grateful.

Smoke in my eyes

Isn't that a saying or something? They are doing a controlled burn in my city and the smoke is awful! I'm sitting at my computer and my eyes are burning, we have a return air something or other in the building so there is always fresh air coming in. Except today the fresh air isn't too fresh. We usually get some elderly people writing in to the newspaper about how the smoke is bad for their health, blah blah blah. My response to that - If you would prefer, we will stop the controlled burns just for you and then when the city burns to the ground because the forest was taken over by drought(10 yrs people! we are dry!) and bark beetles, do NOT come crying to me!

I'm a leader at my church's high school group and last night one of my girls told me she is having a real hard time in English. So with her permission and her parents, I'm going to start tutoring her in English. Wow, it has been a long time since I've done freshman English, but I know she needs help and so far no one has really tried to help her, just threaten punishment if she doesn't do better. That seems so wrong to me. I guess that's my inner teacher (studied but didn't finish the education degree) crying out to protect and help the kids, not punish them.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Marathon's of Life

Monday I was talking to my friend S. She and her husband J have decided to run the PF Chang's Rock n' Roll marathon in January. I thought about it and I am going to run it too. It's only a half marathon, 13.1 miles, but still. And it happens to fall on my b-day, I couldn't' help but feel what a wonderful present it would be to myself to be in good enough shape to walk/run a half-marathon.

I've always been on the heavy side. In fact I like to joke that the only time I was small was the day I was born(6lbs 7oz), then I found my mom's boob and haven't stopped eating since. Well, not on my mom's boob anymore, that's just weird. There has always been a battle between me and food. I'm an emotional eater, sad, mad, happy, bored, angry. If you can feel it, I'll eat to it. I've even been diagnosed as a binge eater after a seriously traumatic event caused me to spiral into depression and dive head first into a nervous breakdown and still suffer from it from time to time.

I weighed 157 lbs on my wedding day. It has been years since I weighed that and was very excited about it. Of course, it's now been years since then and I am no longer close to that weight. I've put on 40 lbs since I married Mr. Sparky and it's quite disgusting. Of course I have weighed this much before, in my early twenties when all I wanted to do was drink copious amounts of liquor, smoke and eat all meals at Outback(I worked there, it was cheaper than shopping) which I do NOT recommend unless you have an amazing metabolism.

Shortly after we returned from our honeymoon I started to not feel good. And by not feel good, I mean couldn't breathe because the pain in my abdomen/pelvic area was so bad I thought I would die. I wasn't working at the time, I miss those days (of no work, not pain) and so I would spend all day on the couch, in pain and severely depressed. Oh, and this was not the kind of sick that made you not want to eat (see above emotional eating). I went to all kinds of dr's who immediately wanted to run a pregnancy test on me. After the 15th negative test, no joke, I finally said, "Enough, if you don't have anything to do to me besides a pregnancy test, don't touch me any more". I went to a new OB seeing as I had just moved to the area and knew nobody and he couldn't figure out what was wrong with me either. He did a uterine lap and decided it wasn't endo and couldn't' help me. Here's what he told me - just have a baby and that will fix it. Seriously, the joke is on him.

This started in Nov of 04 and finally in April of 06 there was a diagnosis - Interstitial Cystitis. Basically it is a condition of the bladder, but so few people know what to look for and it's symptoms mimic so many other things, it's very difficult to diagnose. The inside of a normal bladder is nice and smooth and pretty(I can only assume as I have never personally seen one) and mine looks like hamburger. Literally millions of little paper cut like incisions all over the inside of my bladder. And do you all know what goes through the bladder? Everything that is toxic to the body. So this toxicness, and not the good ole' Brittney Spears kind, is actually getting inside the inside of my bladder. And it hurts like hell. So I've been a little sedentary since the wedding. Oh, did I mention it makes sex the most unbearable thing in the world? Anyone care to venture how well this bodes for the whole makin' a baby business? No? Nobody?

With it being me, par for the course, there is no cure for this pesky little condition. Only a "management program". Seriously, it sound like my bladder will be climbing the corporate ladder a whole lot quicker than me. 1 pill, three times a day, and 2 pills twice a day, for the REST OF MY LIFE! People, I was 26 and this was not looking good. Plus I don't really like to take a lot of medication and I wanted to see if I could work with diet and all that. Didn't really work so well so a year later I decided to take the medications. And they started working, and I ever so smartly decided to go off of them. Ohhhh, I forgot to mention the series of nine!! injections to my bladder, through catheter. I have been catheterized more in one month than most people in their entire life! Enough. Mmmmmmm, it's lunch time and I'm hungry, I'll be back.

Ok, I'm back and I've returned ashamed. After talking about making changes for my body I go and eat at Arby's for lunch. I have a salad in the fridge and yet, I make POOR choices. Ah well, such is life. Where was I? Oh yes, the sickness, as it's called at my home. Yeah, so I started five weeks ago a new diet. It's not technically a diet for weight loss, it's an immune system reset diet. No wheat, no dairy(which I can't do anyway, but love ice cream and cheese), caffeine(which has not entirely gone away) or alcohol(not THAT big of a deal since I might drink once in a blue moon). Since being on this diet I feel better than I have in years! And I've lost 7 lbs to boot. The past two weeks have not been good since my family was up Labor Day and and you know how that goes, it's been tricky getting back into the flow of things. Well, that's really it. I started working out again last night and am determined to be able to run at least 5 miles of the 13.1 by Jan 13. Did I mention that is my birthday? I might a few more times as I am a birthday whore. When I was younger I could make my birthday last for at least a month, sometimes longer.

I'm supposed to be getting a visit from the red headed monster Saturday, I'll update later about my day three results.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

No good title comes to mind

Ok, so my goal of writing at least two posts a week(really, two posts is not THAT hard) fell flat on my big fat booty. I am ashamed of myself, as I read dutifully those women who have things going on(like newborns, and crawling babies, and transfers!) yet are still able to post almost every day. And I? I have nothing close to that and am embarrassed that I thought I could hang with these wonderful women. But alas, I will still plug away because I have a story to tell.

On that note, I am at work and doing this very illegally, so a quick intro to last weeks dr's appt with favorite RN. She was aghast that the dr hadn't ordered more blood work than tsh so I am getting a full work up next cycle. Unless of course I turn out to be pregnant (please, hold the laughter, I know it's a crazy thought). So, hopefully(not really, but you know) Monday will be cycle day 3 and let the blood draining begin! Perhaps some answers.


Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Demolition and Drunken Mother-in-Law's

I find that I'm not writing here as much as I thought I would. I can't decide if it is just laziness, or I'm afraid to actually write my feelings. I've gotten so good at hiding my emotions to the outside world, I think I may have blocked them good. So, my goal is to write at least twice a week here to start unraveling the things I'm feeling. That and to bash my mother-in-law, with love of course!

This being a holiday weekend, my parents came up on Thursday to help work on the house. We moved into our 1987 house last year and are slowly moving it away from the 80's and into something tolerable until we can afford a larger home or add on. It is a tiny home in comparison to most, 1300 sq ft but with the AZ room(non-cooled/heated room that most people use as an extra "living" space since the weather here is remotely nice in the winter) it is 1600 sq ft. There are two bedrooms and 1.75 baths.

For some reason the builders of the house decided that the two feet it took to get from the spare bedroom to the hall bath was just too far and installed a door between the room and the bath. Let me just say that this is RIDICULOUS! Who needs to have a door to the bath when you can walk 2 feet! to the bath. What a serious waste of wall space. So my amazingly handy daddy and my somewhat inept husband(very good at other things, just not home repairs) tore out the door and made me a wall to hand things on! Ohhh, internet, this is so exciting. I love to hang things on walls, except it takes me forever to get them hung, but that is neither here nor there. One problem, the mud did not dry as was supposed to and they need to do a second coat. Second problem - my handy daddy lives two hours away!!! and is traveling for work for the next bajillion weekends, which means I have an unfinished wall. But on the brighter side of things, my mom and I got most of the hideous woodwork painted and the kitchen and dining room done! Yea for a fresh coat of paint! I will post pictures as soon as I can. It is really quite pretty.

On to more interesting things. The mother-in-law and her fiance came up for the weekend too. Except it wasn't' really to see us, her and her friend had won a weekend at a B&B in town and decided that they should come up and not tell us. Which would be fine except for the fact that she has come to visit us 3 times in the almost three years we've been married. The last was to help us move into the new house and she only stayed long enough to take us out to lunch. Not that I'm complaining about the lunch - I love free food. It's just, well... Back to this weekend. We asked her to come to dinner Saturday night at our house and she did come, then got drunk. Which is not all together too uncommon seeing as she is an alcoholic. However, after they left which was 11ish and we were all in bed the phone rings and they've been stopped by a DUI checkpoint (we have a VERY dangerous hwy that people speed on all time, it's actually called Blood Alley and so cops are always upping the safety points on holiday) and that her fiance was getting arrested. Being that Mr. Sparky is of the law enforcement type, we thought we would need to go get them. Then she laughs, really loud and hard and says, "Oh no, it was just a joke, go back to bed!"

(to self) must be good christian and love this woman even if it burns!

The next morning after church, which she did not attend (those who consider themselves goddesses of their own universes tend not to believe in organized religion, but I hate that term, so, whatever you want to call it fine) and after my parents left we met them for brunch at historic hotel downtown which is very fancy pants. By the time we got there she was on her 4th bloody mary, which wouldn't have been so bad except she started drinking at 9:00 that morning and it was already 12:00, and by the time we were done eating, she had had two more and a beer! She stood up, said loudly, "I'm drunker than a skunk" and proceeded to stumble down the hall to the bathroom. Um, did I mention this is a small town and my husband is a cop?? Alone, this would have been mortifying, but add the afore mentioned details and suddenly I wanted to move, to a smaller town and not leave a forwarding address. Ugh. Then off to the craft fair for more drunken debauchery and she bought everything that wasn't nailed down. And most if it was the most hideous crap I have ever seen.

On the baby front - ended up not pregnant this last time around and I was so convinced I was. I think that was the straw and I want to be done. I want to be done trying and hoping and waiting and crying and watching every last woman I know give birth or get pregnant. Within the last 7 days, two of my friends have given birth and I have two showers this month. I'm excited, don't get me wrong, but the two year mark is approaching at a galloping rate and I'm tired. Tired of everything. I have a dr's appointment today with the favorite RN at the crappy dr's office(just because someone is a Christian does not make them GOOD at what they do, I keep forgetting this fact) and hopefully she will run some tests since the crappy dr refused last time saying she wasn't sure I would do anything to fix it so she wasn't' going to do the test! NOT HER CHOICE. Ugh, the draw backs of living in a small town are the incompetent medical community. But the, from the sounds of others out there, it's not too much better in the big city