Wednesday, May 28, 2008


Many things are done anonymously, but why? Why is it that people wouldn't want recognition for the things they've done. In a society that is so me-me-me it seems almost preposterous that anyone wouldn't want to take credit for the good deed they've done.

Yet there are people out there who are selfless, who want only the deed to shine and not their actions to be center stage. These people amaze me. I have done good deeds anonymously before, I try to do a good deed on the down-low as often as I can. I want the benefactor of the deed to be blessed by whatever it is being done and not focus on thanking me.

Very rarely are Mr. Sparky and I on the receiving end of an anonymous deed. And that's ok, that's not what this post is about. This post is about being loved by someone so much that they don't want the credit for whatever it is they've done, they only want us to be blessed by it.

For instance, last night we received a letter from someone we know. Before I opened the letter I knew what was inside and with anticipation and a little fear opened it up. I read the letter out loud and stopped when I got to the paragraph in which this person asked for complete anonymity. We could tell people we received the gift from a person, just not name that person. And I understand why. This person has traveled through our path (not the infertility, but the adoption), has been blessed financially through their business and wants to help us become a family. The only reason this person told us who they are is because of the adoption connection, and wanted to impart some very wise words to us.

It will be easy to keep this person's identity a secret in the fact that it will honor their wishes, but part of me wants to yell at the top of my lungs that this person, whom I've loved dearly since before time has gotten us $5,000 closer to our goal, closer to our child. This person was led by God to give to us by what would seem to us a total fluke, an accident.

So thank you anonymous, thank you for pushing us closer to our dream. Our child will always know of your generosity, of your selfless act and we will never forget this.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Memorial Day - A Day Late and A Dollar Short

Because I was ensconced(is that even the right word?) in paint all day yesterday I didn't get a chance to put this up.

Thank you to everyone who is sacrificing everything for our freedom right now. For our freedom to do whatever we want, including post random thoughts freely on the internet. Thank you to the families who are sacrificing time spent with their loved ones, months without spouses, milestones without parents.

Thank you Dad for serving your country during Vietnam.

Thank you Uncle Bill for re-enlisting and uprooting your family from their comfortable home in Louisiana to Germany so you can serve your country in TWO wars.

Thank you Matthew, my cousin, for putting your role as a father on hold so that your daughter's future freedom will be secured while you are being a Black Hawk Crew Chief in the worst place on earth.

Your dedication and service will NEVER be forgotten. Not by those that love you, nor by those who pray for you every day, even though they've never met you. I love you three very much and am very proud of you all.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Today is the Day *UPDATED

In three minutes our case worker will be presenting us before our agency's approval board. I think it would be fair to say I'm a tad bit nervous. Just a tad.

We should hear sometime this afternoon whether or not we've been approved. I can't imagine why we wouldn't, but if we aren't I'm sure it will be for something little and easily fixed. I hope. And pray.

Please let us be approved, please let us be approved, please let us be approved.

I just got a message from our case worker and the board has some more questions. So we are in limbo right now - not approved and not denied. Our last meeting will be May 30th and we should be able to get things cleared up after that.

Not really sure how I'm feeling right now. I really wanted a definitive answer and I didn't get one. I know that this isn't a bad thing, E (case worker) told us this could very well happen. So we wait. Which is ok, I guess. We've waited this long I don't see why we can't wait another two weeks.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Word Vomit Part I (is anyone else as disgusted by that word as I am?)

So much has happened in the last few weeks and my brain has shut down. I dont' know how to write about it all, it's rather overwhelming. But it shouldn't be. This is the first since we started trying to have a kid that things have been, well, easy. And now I choose to freeze. Go figure.

Our first home study was May 5th. Almost two whole weeks ago and I haven't even thought of writing about it. I suppose it was due to the overload the garage sale created, but dude. Two weeks? Without a single desire to post? Whatever is holding me back from posting about this stuff is also keeping me from writing our birthparent letter.

The first meeting went great. We meet with E down in Phx and we did our family trees. Just back to grandparents and only aunts/uncles who were influential in our lives. Thank goodness, because I have 12 aunts and uncles and I can't even count how many cousins I have. Ooooh - I just counted and I have 29 first cousins, some I haven't seen since I was in junior high so I don't think they really count. Can you imagine doing a family tree with all those people? Luckily Mr. Sparky's was really easy - his family is kind of...different.

After we drew our trees and labled the people we had to discuss our relationships with each person and their relationships with the other people on our tree. It was really interesting because we could see patterns, good and bad, and we discussed which ones we would keep and what we would do differently. For instance, I have a lot of alcoholism on my side of the family, in fact most of my cousins have been through rehab, some several times. And Mr. Sparky's mom is an alcoholic (even if she doesn't think so, she is).

E asked us how we combat that and it was pretty simple - Mr. Sparky doesn't drink, period. I may have a drink if we go out somewhere really really special, but it has to be really really special. And we don't keep alcohol in the house. When my parents come up they always bring beer and wine. And I will drink some of their beer and wine. They usually leave the wine because it isn't really smart to travel with an open container here in the great state of Arizona (or anywhere for that matter). And you know what? I usually end up throwing out the blessed wine a month later. And it always makes me sad.

So that took two hours and then we went to BRU and bought weird things like a car seat and other essential things we cannot live without the first week home with a baby. Because this whole thing we're doing apparently ends in a baby. Who knew. Now, I'm not sure what I'm about to say is good or bad but each trip to the baby store gets a little less stressfull, a little less angsty. We know the layout know fairly well and can easily run in and out in less than 15 minutes to buy what we need. Each time we make a trip to Phx we are now stopping there, picking up essentials a little bit at a time. We really go for the daipers because you cannot buy the kind we want in bulk here in Podunk. And those diapers are so soft and snuggly and smell so absolutley wonderful! It's hard to imagine that we will be responsible for a being that is THAT SMALL.

I just erased two whole paragraphs full of interesting and stimulating tidbits, but this was turning into a novel so it will have to wait until next time. It took me two hours to write this. I really need to quit work so I can blog.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The War

We're all touched one way or another by the war in Iraq. Whether we support the war or not, whether we believe the current president is an ass or not, or whether we think a certain candidate for the 08 election will be the savior to right all things or not, there are men and women out there.

The majority of people in the U.S. support the troops. I have friends and family over there and I'll be damned it I'm going to let how I feel about our current government affect my feelings towards them, towards the heroes.

They make sacrifices for our freedom and our ability to do and say whatever it is we feel like. Everyday they face the fact they could die. Sacrifice. The more frequently forgotten sacrifices however are left stranded behind. Whether on a base somewhere around the world or right here in your home town, wives and husbands, children and siblings are left behind. Being forced to grow up without mom or dad there, being forced to parent alone.

There is something we can do to help. Mrs. Flinger is donating a dollar for every comment left on her post to her brother-in-law who was shipped out on May 3rd. All YOU have to do is leave a comment, nothing witty or thought provoking needed. Just a comment and you will be giving to a family in need. So pop on over and say a few words and know that you just helped a heroes' family.

You want me to do what?

My boss just made me do math. I am an english person, not a mathematical person. If a problem requires me to go higher than ten and I am not wearing sandals? I am screwed. I just finished an accountants job and I do not care to ever do it again thank you very much. I almost cried.

I have oodles of things to write about and do not have the ambition to do so. I also have a birth-mom letter to write and also do not have the inclination to do so. I am procrastinating on every level of my life right now. My brain is done working now that the home study is mostly finished and the serious thinking and answering is for the most part done. I think my brain went on vacation without me. How rude.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Totally over the whole thing already

I don't know why THIS came as a suprise because it shouldn't.

Don't you think she could share some of the fertility? Just a little?

Good for them if that's what they want. But I find it a little disconcerting that their daughter's watch the calandar like hawks. Shouldn't that be Michelle's doing?

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

One of the longest weekends on record


That is how much we made at our garage sale. We are in shock and awe. There is no way we should have ever made that much money, but God is in control. It was a really fun time. We were all really tired and cranky by Sunday afternoon, but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything in the world.

We put up signs at the sale that said, THANK YOU All proceeds go to our adoption fund. So of course everyone asked about it and we got to share a little and we got to hear a lot. We had a few people share their adoption stories and we had people just give us money with out buying anything. We also got to witness to a few people. We kept the local christian music station on all day and people would comment or whatnot and a conversation would start. My dad even got to hear one woman's testimony about how she came from drugs and alcohol, spent 20 years in prison and is now leading a youth group at a local church!

Sunday my parents left around 11:00 am and Mr. Sparky and I decided to close up shop at 12:00. We didn't, we just kind of left things going for a little while and people would straggle in and buy a few things. About a 1/2 hour after the last person left a woman and her daughter pulled up and started shopping. We started talking and she asked if we were Christians and vice versa. Then the adoption talk came up and she told me her story. She had gotten pregnant at 17 and her parents shipped her off to a detention center in LA. While there she accepted Christ and really prayed about what to do with the baby. She really felt God wanted her to keep the baby so she did. Her mother had placed her older sister up for adoption and she didn't feel like she could do it, but she said she does feel adoption is amazing. So she cried a little and we talked alot and they bought some things then left. As I was cleaning up she came back. Her daughter ran up to me and handed me a wad of cash. It was all the money they had and they wanted us to have it!

I can't tell you the amount of times I cried this weekend because of people's generosity. It was totally overwhelming. This just cements my belief that God is in control of this thing and we will be a family very soon.

Our first home study appointment was yesterday and it went really well. We drove down to Phx and met with E (our case worker) and had a great two our meeting. Our next meeting was for this Friday, but she had to reschedule to next Monday. So another trip to Phx is in order, but it's Mother's Day anyway and we'll just spend the night on Sunday. She will be presenting us before our agency's board on May 20 and once they approve we can be put in the book.

We stopped by BRU and bought our car seat and some of the things we will need for the baby. We're holding off on anything that isn't necessary and will borrow things until we have a shower. I think we will have a baby very soon. I also think we are having a girl, but who knows!

The office is getting overhauled into a nursery and the walls will be painted this weekend or next. The crib is waiting to be put together and the bedding will be ordered after the house gets put back together. I couldn't wait and took the car seat out of the box yesterday and it's sitting in the baby's room. I found myself walking in their yesterday for no reason just staring and dreaming. This is really happening, and fast.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Never Fails

The phone ALWAYS rings while in the process of putting lotion on my hands. My phone is now a pasty white color, thank you.

Tomorrow is our huge garage sale. I've advertised on Craigslist(I LOVE YOU CRAIGSLIST! WILL YOU MARRY ME?) and in the paper. We've already had a few people scope out the place this morning and a man came by after I left for work to take a look at the dog run. AND HE BOUGHT IT. For $250! We were asking $300 but knew we wouldn't get it, so $250 is great! What a way to start!

My friend S told me yesterday that we have more stuff than she's ever seen at a garage sale, which is comforting. I've been really worried that we don't have enough stuff. But last night my fears were put to rest when a friend of ours came over with a huge trailor filled with stuff. Guess where we had to put it? On our front porch because the garage is at capacity! Literally there is only a foot wide path that goes through the garage and we there is just enough room to open the dryer.

So, a busy weekend begins. My parents are coming up tonight with MORE STUFF and our nursery furniture, along with an extra crib for us to sell that was given to them.

Our first homestudy appointment is on Monday in Phx. It's at 9:00 which means we'll have to leave our house no later than 7:00 a.m. to make sure we get there in time. Traffic on the I-17 can be a bear in the mornings. Say a prayer for us, we'll need it.