Rough Patch

This year has been hard. A good year in general, but a very hard year baby wise.

Last Feb. Mr. Sparky and I joined a small group at our church. Four other couples our age, one with a little boy and another on the way(at the time, they have since had a gorgeous little girl) and another with two kids. The second time we went, I found out all but one other girl was pregnant. It was hard, we finally told them about our struggles and they were amazingly understanding. In fact, one couple had tried for two years before they got pregnant, she has PCOS and was told she would never get pregnant on her own, so they were starting the adoption process.

A few weeks later, the at one couple's baptism at church, they announced they too were pregnant. The last couple besides us to conceive. At that moment I broke into tears. Luckily every one else was crying in our group(the ladies anyway) because of excitement, mine were just anger and frustration. I know God has put us in this group for a reason. I just haven't figured out what that reason is. He is in charge and I have finally gotten around to allowing that to sink in and actually believe it. Mr. Sparky has never had a problem with that, being that this isn't his entire life's mission!

In April, one of my good friends announced she was 3 months along at Mr. Sparky's 30th b-day party. It was the hardest thing I have ever heard. They weren't really "trying" and as much as I know they will make good parents, she has always said she's too selfish right now for kids. It stung like you wouldn't believe.

Well, the point of this post is that now all these babies will be arriving starting any day now and working on through November. Which means, in the last month I've attended two baby showers and have two more to go, not to mention the actual babies! Don't' get me wrong, I'm excited for my friends, but am so sad at the same time. October will be the two year mark and we've decided to go ahead with the adoption process. We'll turn our app in around Christmas and start the home study in January. It would be sooner, except Mr. Sparky starts his academy on Monday. He is a Sgt. with the local Sheriff's office in the jail and is now moving onto patrol, which is what he has always wanted. It just seems God brings everything at once. I would love to start the adoption process now, but academy is like boot camp for the army. Ridiculously hard and they have to write papers every week, etc, etc.

So I feel like I'm floundering. It's hard and nobody in my real life gets it! In fact my best friend just the other day said, "You will still get pregnant, why are you so concerned about this?" And I told her that 80-85% of couples get pregnant within 1 yr, 90-95% within 1.5 yrs and so my chances are pretty slim. She still doesn't get it.

My body is doing weird things right now, and I don't think that's helping. I ovulated earlier t his week and the day after I o'd, my boobs got big and my nips started to hurt. I don't know if it's my imagination, although Mr. Sparky says they are HUGE, but stuff like this only happens the week before my period. So I'm in a funk, not sure what's going on, tired of getting my hopes up just to have my period show and have to start over again.

Plus - this week has sucked butt at work. At least it's Friday and the weekend is here.