Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Mish-Mash and Other Exciting Jumble


Testing.. 1...2..3...

Is this thing on?


Is anyone still out there?? (I'd really be surprised)

I hate it when I open a blog and it's this huge post about about why the blogger hasn't been posting. So I won't do that. . . too much.

It's just that things have been really overwhelming and work has sucked ( I almost got fired, it was all very dramatic and whatnot) and yeah. So that's all I'm going to say about that.

Things are moving along quite steadily on the adoption front. We had our final home study appointment on May 30 and it went really well. That was also the day I almost got fired. So it was a mixed bag kind of day with LOTS of crying.

I cannot tell you how much I love our case worker. If we had met under any other circumstances we would have been best friends by now, swapping stories and recipes and getting mani/pedi's together. Except I don't often get mani/pedi's or swap recipes with my friends. The last appointment is at our home, she comes and inspects it to make sure there aren't any dangers lurking in the wings waiting to snatch a tiny helpless babe if they should deem us acceptable. I had been working myself up about this meeting for weeks! Would my house be clean enough, would it be ok that we only had two bedrooms (but they're big!) and no grass anywhere to be found (unless you count the mass attack of weeds as grass, but hey, we've been busy so back off).

The night before, I had these grand plans to scrub the crap out of my house. But see? I am not a cleaner, so guess what I did instead - well, I don't really remember but it surely wasn't cleaning. So Friday morning before our appointment at 10:00 (hello my name is Nessa and I am a PROCRASTINATOR extraordinaire) Mr. Sparky and I cleaned every nook and cranny that hadn't been touched since we moved in almost two years ago. Guess how much time she looked at the house. A grand total of 5 minutes. She didn't even look in the back yard to see if we had any pools or a spas that a potential child could fall in to ( because dude, our agency will make you board up the in ground spa and most couples just back fill them in!). She said our house was cute and that was that. I love this woman!

Before the enjoyable tour, because seriously who doesn't love to show off their home, we had our one-on-one meetings. They save these until last and I am very grateful for that because it would have been AWKWARD if it had been the first meeting we had with her. She asks really hard and uncomfortable questions like , "How's your sex life?" and other such nonsense. My reply? How do you think it is? We've been trying to have a kid for the last 2.5 years with no luck and I have a disease that makes it super un-fun. But really, according to her our sex life is really good compared to most couples they see, so yeah for us I guess.

But I digress - so much has happened since I wrote the above paragraphs(I can't even remember the date I wrote them...that is how long it has been since I've even thought about writing. Except of course for the bird poop post cuz dude? That was gross!). Things at work have gotten a little better. They hired a woman to work part time until I need to leave and then she takes over full time until I come back then back to part time. But you get that, you're smart and apparently I am lucky since most employers do not do this where I live.

Today however was a day I will never forget. It was simultaneously the best and worst day I've had in a long time, which doesn't make much sense, but . . . whatever. So yesterday there was this meeting at our agency and our case worker presented us again (with the myriad of info she gained from our last meeting -but not the sex stuff. She promised she wouldn't talk about the sex stuff) and apparently we are so dazzling and we would make such wonderful parents they approved us right away. That's right folks - Nessa and Mr. Sparky are officially ON THE LIST!

Except there is a hitch in our giddy-up. We cannot write our letter. How do you write this mysterious letter that the woman who will choose us to be the parents of her child? How do you not sound like a total jack-ass nor like a pompous tool? If any of you know the answer's to these questions, please please fill me in. We have known about this letter for months yet all we have is a rough draft ( I would post it here for your expertise and words of wisdom but it has too much identifiable info and that would creep the Mr. out). A ROUGH DRAFT people, that is it. So our goal is to finish that by Monday so we can be chosen, because without the letter it does us no good to be on this list. Truly.

You can see the good that today brought, but one is probably wondering how at all this could be the worst day as well. Tomorrow is my surrogate grandfather's funeral and I just found out about it today. I will not be in attendance as it is two hours away and I cannot take the time off of work. So Bert/Ernie (do not ask it is too long to explain why he has two names - just know it involves toupees) I do not know your relationship with Christ, so I don't know where you are at the moment, but I'm glad you are no longer suffering on this world and I miss you. Also a friend of my parents died suddenly on Tuesday. She was in her mid-50's and had been having horrid stomach aches. They did an ultrasound and found some fibroid tumors in her uterus. Monday they went to remove them and when the doctor opened her up he immediately closed her up and told her husband there was nothing he could do, there was too much cancer (I still don't know how they got from fibroids to cancer, but whatever) and they should make her comfortable for her last few months. She died the next day.

So our joy is overshadowed by two deaths, one expected the other not. It makes me sad to think that a husband will no longer have his best friend to share the rest of his life with, that so suddenly the life he knew is no more.

But enough sad stuff - I'm starting to get really weepy and I'm all alone - it's a celebration day, a day of excitement and of new beginnings.

(Thank you to the one person still reading, it means a lot!)

Yoka - I have not forgotten about you. In fact I am going to send you an e-mail right now.


Dooneybug said...

You've certainly had a lot of stuff going on. You must be exhausted! Hope you figure your letter out soon, I'm sure you will do wonderfully!

wanttobeamom said...

Congratulations on your adoption progress! I'm sorry for the losses in your life lately. It seems like life is always bitter-sweet, doesn't it?

LifeHopes said...

You should be so proud of yourselves for finishing all that paperwork and homestudy process! I have heard it can be overwhelming.

Good things lie ahead!!!

Praying for ya:)

Yoka said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I had a very special relationship to my grandfather and I miss him every day.

Thank you so much for your email. I will answer as soon as I get some time on my hands. But we will be going Camping tomorrow and next week I am heading out to Mexico for work...

About the Dear Birthmother letter: Our agency recommended to take out any identifying information. They didn't even want our denomination in there. We could say Christian couple, but not baptist and protestant...

But I had a hard time with it, too. I ended up making a draft and then we were sitting down together editing it. I think it is important to just write what you feel in your heart about your adoption. And to give an idea of who you are and what life with you will be alike.

You could ask the agency whether they have someone that can look at your draft and give you some recommendations.

Do you know Lori from Weebles Weblog (Link on my blog)? She has her own business and is looking at your profile for you if you are not sure how it looks.

I hope that helps...

The Town Criers said...

Congratulations for getting on the list! No great advice on the letter except to second that Lori is a great resource.

heather.pnr said...

Congrats on being approved!

For what it's worth, we just approached our letter as an introduction to us. How would we describe ourselves and our lives to a friend we had just met?

Anonymous said...

We adopted as well...although from Guatemala so we are worried about the letter we will write now...after we already have our daughter. I can tell you what we would like to say.

I am so sorry that you were ever put in a position where you could not raise your child yourself, but thank you so much for choosing adoption to give your child the opportunities you are not able to. That ultimate gift of love you have to be able to give her up speaks volumes for how much you do care for your daughter.

Know that we love her as if we had given birth to her ourselves. We have wanted her long before she was even conceived. We can't wait to read her stories at night, hold her to comfort her while she's sick, make Christmas cookies, sing silly songs while driving in the car, and just enjoy her and who she is.

We also plan on sending her this poem as we have it hung in her room...

Once there were two women who never knew each other.
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother.

Two different lives shaped to make you one.
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.

The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love. The second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality. The other gave you a name.
One gave you a talent. The other gave you aim.

One gave you emotions. The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile. The other dried your tears.

One sought for you a home that she could not provide.
The other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied.

And now you ask me, through your tears,
the age-old question unanswered through the years.
Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?
Neither, my darling. Neither. Just two different kinds of Love.

Good luck. :)