My birthday was on Tuesday.
I turned 29.
Besides Christmas (the whole season), my birthday is my favorite holiday.
It was one of the worst birthdays on record.
I woke in a foul mood, as I am wont to do after days without decent sleep, to a husband who was being a total jackass. And I let him know it too. Work proceeded to be just as crappy as the morning had started and by the time I got home I was in a pretty terrible mood.
There was one thing that could still redeem the day and I had been looking forward to it all.day.long.
On my birthday I don't cook or do the dishes, that is the rule. I don't care if we go out or we eat mac n cheese, as long as I don't have to make it or clean up after it, it is the best meal ever. I walked into the kitchen from the garage and immediately my blood boiled and I was so ticked. The kitchen was trashed (from the previous TWO nights dishes as I cook and the Mr. cleans, supposedly) and he asked ME what was for dinner. AND he was still in his pajamas (he works nights and sleeps days so really, not as lazy as that made him sound)!
So while I cooked and started cleaning the kitchen he sat there and stared at me. Never once did he offer to help clean or cook dinner, or take me out so I wouldn't have to. I cannot even begin to describe how livid I was.
Then came the card. I'm not sure if I've shared this story before but two years ago on my birthday he gave me a card. And on the cover of this card was a couple holding hands and walking along the beach. How romantic, no? But my reaction was not what he had intended, nor hoped for I'm sure. I threw the card down and looked absolutely irate. He was totally perplexed until I held the card up and read it to him.
To my big, strong, black, beautiful woman.
Now, does anyone else see why I would be a tad bit upset by this? And really, it's not the fact of the wording, it's not even the fact that the couple on the cover were black. HE NEVER LOOKED AT THE CARD IN THE STORE. HE GRABBED IT AND LEFT***. He did admit he never looked at it after I confronted him and my 27th birthday was miserable. And we were on a trip, with friends. Very AWKWARD.
Back to the card. After that I told him he better be sure to at least read the cards he bought. S this year it never crossed my mind. I read this beautiful card about how this man loved his woman so much and how her soft, brown toned voice made him feel secure. I had to read that last sentence a few times to figure out what was wrong with it. Brown tones. Brown tones? So I turn the card over and ... you guessed it! It was a Mahogany card, Hall **marks African-American line of greeting cards.
I lost it. I threw the card at him and probably louder than I intended said some very un-Christianly four letter words and suggested he never buy me a card again. The rest of the night was spent in total silence.
He apologized. And I don't know if I'm ready to accept it yet. He still has not asked if there is anything he can do to make up for my horrendous birthday. I even told him I wanted a do-over and he laughed at me.
I know this must make me sound like a total spoiled brat, but I don't ask for much from my husband. I don't ask for gifts for my birthday (I can't remember the last time we did birthday presents) and I never ask him to cook. It's my one day a year that is just about me, not about anyone else and he just doesn't get it. And it doesn't help that I'm low on sleep and short on nerves and very much frayed.
Re-reading all of this still makes me want to cry two days later. I'm still angry and he is still being a jerk. I hate this. Someday it will get better, I know that. But someday seems really, really far away.
***lest anyone think I am racist, I am not. anyone would be upset because their husband was so inconsiderate as to even READ THE DAMN card before buying it.