Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Sorry about the run on paragraph toward the bottom, I can't seem to figure out why Blogger wont work! Oh. I weight myself this morning and am 1 pound shy of my starting weight. Stupid food.

I ran away, literally. And it was nice.

Mr. Sparky's 32nd birthday was the 14th and I surprised him with a grand vacation. Well...maybe not grand, but it was amazing and it was just us.

We went to White.Sands National Monument and Carlsbad.Caverns in New Mexico. We logged almost 1300 miles in four days but it was so worth it.

This was my answer to Mr. Sparky's - he wrote "I love you Nessa" in the sand, but the wind was so bad by the time he finished the I love you had already been covered with sand.

The sand dunes went on forever, I can't remember the exact amount of mileage it covered, but you could not see the end. And it sits smack dab in the middle of a 4000 acres of military base. It was a beautiful site.

This picture makes me thing of Alaska. The buses precariously parked on thick ice and the shacks are the only warmth. It was windy, but the sun was out so it was bearable. We only stayed for a short while, maybe an hour and a half including the visitors center, I wish we had been able to stay longer.
There are too many pictures of the caverns to decide which would be best to show you, but it was beautiful. It was a hike down, 1.5 miles straight down into the cave and then another 1.5 miles around the inside. It's cool though, they have a snack bar and restrooms on the bottom and an elevator to take your weary behind 750 feet back to the surface.

The weather there is a constant 56 degrees and 90% humidity. By the time we got to the top, mu perfectly straightened hair looked like a poodle gone haywire. But it was worth it. We took our time and for a while it was just the two of us climbing down the steep path, holding hands and quietly laughing at the crazy formations. There was one that looked like a boob, nipple and all. Of course Mr. Sparky wanted me to take a picture of it, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. By that time too many people had gathered and I wasn't going to be the only one taking a picture of the "boob".
I wish I could say that the job search was going as well as the vacation had. I have applied to six positions. I haven't heard from 4, one is no longer being filled and the sixth? Apparently I am not qualified or fit the requirements to work at Jo-Anns. That was a real ego squasher. I would have applied for more, but the sickness that visited me on April 3rd is still lingering, plus being on vacation, plus being terrified of my unfinished resume had led to a block. A block that has required me to rely on God because I certainly am not going to be able to do this on my own. I also need to rely on him because there are NO jobs where I live. None. And I'm pretty sure I won't qualify for unemployment due to the circumstances of my leaving the company. I'll explain later, right now thinking about it makes me nauseous.
We will more than likely lose the house as we are $400.00 in the hole WITH my job and our meager savings has dwindled down from two months of living expenses to a whopping $1200 which won't even cover one months mortgage payment. We have started the hardship process with our lenders, but we are trying to get a student loan to go through so we are holding off on sending in the paper work lest the student loan people and the mortgage people talk too soon.
I don't know where this puts us on the adoption front. We will not take our profile off the list, but we dont' know what will happen either. Obviously my loss of income puts us in a different financial situation and our more than likely change of venue may necessitate an update on the home study, but since our caseworker is still MIA, I have no idea what will happen. And it is hard to explain to people why we have over $8,000 in the bank but can't touch it. It's technically not ours.
Plus I'm late. I'm assuming it's stress related and not pregnancy related but it's hard not to go there. Mr. Sparky and I were joking the other night that I wouldn't be able to find a job and we would lose the house only to find myself pregnant. Stupid joke. I find myself tottering between fear and total reliance on God. Totally human of course, but scary nonetheless. I keep thinking we ill need to move in with family, or move to a totally different state (probably TX, since we've done some research and they will take MR. Sparky's certification and most agencies starting pay is $5000 more than he makes now and the housing market is ridiculously cheap). That scares me.

Except I'm not scared. I know that probably doesn't make sense, especially to those who think reliance on God is a waste of energy, but I don't. I know he will provide, that this fire we are going through burns badly now but will be only a distant flame hopefully in the not so distant future. I can't wait to see what we will look like after we've made it through the refining fire.
We've been struggling these last few days and yesterday we read Job. A man, the most righteous and faithful man, who lost everything including his family yet he continued to praise God. It was just what we needed to hear and that comforts me to know that if God can provide the right reading material at the right time then he can certainly provide the right answers to our most precarious positions we've gotten ourselves into.

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