Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Baby things, Sickness and The unholy place (otherwise known as BRU)

I'm still not feeling any better. I don't ache as much, but I'm still really congested and have absolutely no energy. Hopefully soon this will go away.

Mr. Sparky only has 1.5 weeks left in his FTO (Field Training) and is very excited to be on his own. He's gotten really lucky with the training officers he's had, but he's just ready to be in his own area and get a feel for things. He finally got his permanent schedule (they bid every six months) and it's a really good one. He will be working graveyard (8pm - 6am) Tuesday thru Saturday. He'll get home at 6am Saturday and won't go in until 8pm Tuesday.

This isn't my preferred schedule, but apparently things go bump in the night and cops like that kind of thing. Who new.

We finished our adoption classes Saturday and I'm kind of mixed on the whole cramming into two days thing. It was good because we needed them and it was the only way we could get them in before the summer. On the other hand, we missed a lot because of the time constraints, which bums me out. Our homestudy packet was given to us after class on Saturday, and if you've ever done this before you will understand what kind of hell we are in for. It is the most intrusive, most meticulous paper work I have ever seen. And I'm totally overwhelmed. I can't imagine what Mr. Sparky will say when he finally reads the packet. He doesn't handle stuff like that well. It's just too overwhelming for him.

After the class, we drove down to Phx and went to BRU. Ugh. It was awful. I think it would have been better if it were just me and my mom. If it was her and I we could take our time and I really felt rushed. The place gave Mr. Sparky the creeps. We did the important stuff first - car seat and stroller and then the nursery furniture. Which we will have to change since we didn't realize the crib we picked didn't turn into a toddler bed and that was Mr. Sparky's one request.
After 45 min. I sent him to the rocking chair area and just let him sit with his eyes closed while I finished up.

I am having mixed reservations about setting up a registry. I think mostly I dont' want to feel like a fraud. I didn't really feel like a fraud in the store - I talked to a few parents who were currently using items we were interested in and they asked the "when are you due" time bomb and I never flinched. I told then we were adopting and every single person got really excited and congratulatory. So that felt fine.

I think it has to do with my friends. Not that they would say anything to my face (and not that they would really say anything behind my back either because they wouldn't really be friends then, would they). Maybe it's just my insecurities of trying to prepare for being a parent, but not having a visible reminder to myself or the outside world. That is one thing I've been reading about - remembering that we are preparing just like a pregnant couple would. We have the same concerns, same questions (about the actual parenting, not the whole before hand thing), and same worries. We want the safest things for our baby too. Our downfall is that we don't have a concrete date for that baby's arrival.

So I vacillate between taking down the registry and leaving it up. I'd hate to take it down, it was a lot of WORK to get it started. And it's not finished either. There are things I didn't get a chance to really look at, really inspect and I want to. I want there to be that same excitement as if I had a due date and new when our baby was going to actually be using this stuff.

I've also started reading parenting books. Aside from the adoption books. Such as sleep books and breast feeding books (I'm going to give it a go and a friend is going to give me her supplemental nurser so I don't have to buy one) and again, I feel a little like a fraud. So I have to remember that I'm not. I don't get the nine months to research and decide what we want to do. I could have a baby in my arms in as little time as two months! So I have to realize that these feelings are normal, and that it's ok for me to start researching and reading and learning and deciding.

Oh and maybebaby - it is official - her parents are going to keep her. And it's an ok thing. I don't think we were really ever meant to have her. I know God used her as a catalyst for us to get off our lazy behinds and start the process. If it hadn't have been for the prospect of maybebaby, we wouldn't have started things until this summer or even next year. And I firmly believe God wants us to be right where we are. He's sneaky like that.

1 comment:

Jamie said...

You are not a fraud! You are amazing for actually starting the adoption process, as daunting as it seems. You are going to be a parent someday, fair and square, whether the baby is from your womb or not. I have been praying for you, that you would stay joyful, hopeful, and full of God's peace that His timing is perfect. Keep up the faith! :0)