Tuesday, July 22, 2008


Our experience with our agency so far has been very smooth. With that in mind, I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop. And it did.

Those of you in the process know about the birth letter or match letter. This is the letter that our potential birth mother will choose us from. We spent agonizing hours writing and re-writing and trying to get it to be absolutely "perfect". Finally after months of torture we had a final copy and sent it along with a $1000 check to our agency. Three weeks ago.

On our agency's website they have a page with all the match letters that are current and those that have been matched with a birth mom. We mailed our letter on a Thursday and on Monday it wasn't up. I knew it most likely wouldn't get put up that fast but decided to e-mail our case worker to find out how long the process of getting it up took. I also had other questions so didn't truly feel like a big dork asking about the letter. I wasn't altogether pleased with her response - Our tech guy will put it up when he gets around to it - but let it go because I figured it would be up by the end of the week and didn't want to ruffle any feathers.

Except maybe I should have. I've been checking the site periodically (read - EVERY DAY) and nothing. So this past Sunday(two weeks and 7 days after we mailed our letter!) when it still wasn't up we decided to e-mail our case worker. I was very polite, asked why it still wasn't up and thought three weeks was a long time. I left it at that. Monday morning around 9:00 it was put up on the website. And I still haven't gotten a response from our case worker.

Now if this were a gigantic national organization I could see how maybe, possibly, a letter could slip through the cracks. But this is NOT a big agency, it is a little Christian agency and according to them they have more babies than parents, so WHY WOULDN'T THEY PUT OUR LETTER UP AS SOON AS THEY GOT IT?!

I knew something would have to give sooner or later, this whole process has just been too easy. But it worries me. If they are this lackadaisical about our letter, what else will they not be so sharp about. And I know we went through the process at the exact same pace with two other couples and their letters aren't up yet either. Now that could be that they haven't done them yet, but I highly doubt that. They were both just as eager to get things going as we were. What about the people who don't' feel comfortable stepping up and saying something? We can't be the only couple this has happened to.

What would you do? Would you call the agency and find out why it took so long to get the letter up or would you just leave it? I'm afraid to ruffle any feathers as these people hold the keys to our diploma for parenthood. But we are paying these people through the nose and I would think better service would be provided.


LifeHopes said...

Wow this is SOOOO incredibly frustrating - especially when you consider what is at stake.

I would DEFINITELY contact the agency. However, do not talk with your caseworker. He or she is already going to try to save face. Go on and talk to the Director or whomever your caseworker/tech person reports to. Let them know what happened. Talk to them in person, too, and perhaps then they will make sure people are on top of things.

Gosh I am sorry this happened! I think you should be clear that you are concerned ... that perhaps it might sound silly to them, but that something this simple should have been done immediately and that their credibility is going down with you.

If they care about you and your future child, they will respond appropriately (apologies and thanks for bringing it to their attention, followed by a promise never to let it happen again and that you will get personal swift attention from here on out.)

Dooneybug said...

Hmmm, I guess if this was the first instance of them not following through I would let it go. But if anything else were to happen I'd definitely talk with someone.

Yoka said...

I would let it go, too. I understand that nearly three weeks is just too long. It shouldn't take them that long. But maybe the Tech guy doesn't work there everyday and comes only once a week. There could be an explanation for that.

And you don't want to burn bridges.

If it happens again, I would try to talk to someone. But maybe first to your caseworker and then to the director (if nothing changes after you have talked to your caseworker).

Lassie said...

We had similar problems of poor follow-through with our case worker and along the way I mentioned most of them in a gentle manner. She also let us know when she felt we were dragging our feet with an issue and it turns out, she had not told us to do a certain step. So, I think open communication is a good thing because it can catch something that got dropped out.

Having your profile up is very exciting- all the best to you!

Rebekah said...

Yikes! I would call the agency. They are providing YOU with a service....a service, which by the way (like you don't know this) cost a LOT of money. The least the agency can do is provide you with a real explanation. I would tell them that you felt pushed to the side/unimportant and that you're concerned about how they are going to treat you in the future. My friend, the squeaky wheel gets the oil...and unfortunately in this situation it isn't an different!

Bri said...

Hi Nessa. I just found your blog and was stoked to read that you are in AZ as well! It looks like we are at the same stage in the process, too!

As far as your post goes, I had a similar experience. I love the agency we chose, however I don't particularly care for my SW. She took a very long time to get started on our report, then took about a day to complete it, and never even bothered to contact our references. She has seemed very complacent during the whole process. I debated for a long time as to whether I wanted to say something or not. In the end, I decided I didn't want to ruffle too many feathers and I ended up calling the administrative assistant and asking her some non-finger pointing questions about what levels of service I should expect and how long things should be taking. Some of the things she made me feel better about, and I think she got the hint that I wasn't too happy with my service levels (things have been wonderful since).
Typically for me, it would have been a no-brainer to speak my mind, however, I didn't want it to affect me in a negative way later on. While I would hope that personal preferences of the SW wouldn't play a role in the process, they are also human being and I wasn't willing to take that chance.
Good luck in making your decision!
I look forward to reading more!