Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Sometimes I Wonder If My Mother Ever Dropped Me

Last week Mr. Sparky and I decided that what the heck, let's actually try to make a baby this month.

Now I know what you are thinking. Make a baby? But you haven't proved to be too successful in that arena and you are smack dab in the middle of the adoption process. But whatever, you're adults.

So knowing that I should ovulate sometime around last Friday on Wednesday AND Thursday we made (and pardon the expression) mad monkey love. He even told me to lay with my legs in the air. And I did. And Saturday my boobs started to hurt and I started to not feel so good. Almost pms'ish and such. And I thought I was just losing my mind.

Until yesterday when I went to the bathroom and noticed a little ... spot. And I very calmly went back to my desk and finished out my day with nary a thought of a little egg implanting itself into my plushly lined uterus.

Except we all know that is not what really happened. I did go back to my desk and finish out my day but it was not calmly and there really wasn't much work done after that. I left and called my friend S and she totally freaked out and I went to Wal M*rt and bought pre-natals and went home and rubbed progesterone cream all over my belly.

Then I ignored myself all night because all I wanted to talk about was the fact that there could possibly, maybe, be a baby in my belly. And it was really hard to ignore myself because I was the only one home!

I decided that I would call the doctor because really, spotting on cycle day 18? NOT NORMAL. Then I woke up this morning with the worst cramps and I ruined one of my favorite pairs of underware (Totally my fault - I should have changed and put on a liner, but whatever). So I flew to work, opened up my Fertility Pal account and was once again stymied. I looked at the dates I had entered and looked at a calander. They didn't match.

So after a few head scratches and some quick calculations I realized that what I was having was NOT day 18 spotting thus leading me to believe there was a cute little prescious growing in my belly but day 27 bleeding. As in, now get this . . . . . my PERIOD.

This is why we do not have kids. If I cannot handle simple clicking of a mouse to enter in data, how the heck am I going to be able to take care of a BABY!

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