Mr. Sparky always gets bloody noses, it's just his thing. So I've gotten used to most mornings entailing a few bloody tissues in the bathroom trash can. This morning was no different.
He got home from work while I was getting ready and blew his nose (allergies are HORRENDOUS right now in Podunk and we are both suffering. It also doesn't help that he spends most nights in the cold dry dusty outside air). And of course he got a bloody nose. Like I said earlier, totally normal and not a big deal. Except this one didn't stop, and didn't stop, and didn't' stop. He kept bleeding for 25 minutes.
Now, being one who has had MAYBE 3 bloody noses EVER, I think I have learned fairly well how to handle a bloody nose since being married to Mr. Sparky. I told him to sit down, tilt his head forward and pinch his nose at the base of the bridge. So he did and he kept going through tissue after tissue.
He kept doing this while I was finishing getting ready for work and for some reason I poked my head out of the bathroom and realized there were GOBS of blood all over the cream (I think that's the color it's supposed to be, but I could very well be wrong. It looks more like oatmeal to me. We really need to get our carpets cleaned) carpet and streams of blood running down our white bench in front of the bed. I called my mom to see what would get that much blood out of white and carpet (all the while assuming his nose would eventually STOP BLEEDING) and my dad answered.
Half way through my question ***YOU MAY WANT TO STOP READING IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH. I AM GETTING QUEASY JUST WRITING THIS*** I looked over and saw Mr. Sparky stand up, remove the tissue from his face and hold his head over the trash can. CLOTS and STREAMS of blood poured from his face and I may have said, "Holy S*&^, we have to go to the hospital" and hung up on my dad.
I have never been so grossed out in my entire life. Really. There is no way I could be a cop/firefighter/EMS/nurse/doctor anything that has to deal with other's bodily fluids. I get faint if I slice my OWN finger open. What am I going to do when we get a kid??
Anyway, we didn't have to go to the hospital because Mr. Sparky did stop hemorrhaging after that last gush and it's a good thing. I may have fainted if they had to cauterize his nose!
And the worst part? He kept chasing me around the bedroom trying to get me to look at the massacre in the trash can! What an ass. But I did feel bad for him, he lost a lot of blood and he looked like he had been in a bad accident. The lower part of his face and most of his t-shirt was COVERED in blood. Gross.
I ordered him to take a shower and NEVER DO THAT AGAIN. I was late to work because I needed to get the blood trail out of the carpet and bench before it stained. Oh well, as Mr. Sparky would say -just preparing you for kids!