So, it looks as if I have fallen off the NaBloPoMo wagon. It was to be expected. I have no follow through and this last week has sucked. Big.
I have buried(this word always looks funny to me - like burry not berry) myself into a hole. For some reason I am having a hard time with this latest (and last, thank you Lord!) rash of new babies. My friend A had her baby on Thursday and I have not called her yet. My friends P & J, I have not seen their little girl and she will be a month this week. It's hard, harder than I thought it would be. To see these babies that were conceived so quickly and well after we had started trying. It almost doesn't seem fair.
I talked to my mom yesterday and she asked how I was doing. I told her I was ok, and I lied. I do not like lying to my mom, but sometimes I just don't want to deal with the emotions tied to a conversation. We were talking about adoption and what I said on the last post about it and she said it would be great, think about the children we could rescue. And I stopped dead in my tracks. Rescue. I politely told her that adoption is not about rescuing a child from a bad situation. That that is not the reason people do this, and she quietly said ok.
We will have bible study next week for the first time since little Ava was born and I am not going. Mr. Sparky will not be going since he will be down in Phx for defensive driving and I cannot handle all the babies by myself, without his support. So I must think of an excuse when they call and make it sound believable. They don't understand, they are sympathetic, but do not truly get what it feels like and I am tired of the pity. I tried to type that word three times and each time it came out potty.
We are taking this next cycle off as Mr. Sparky will be gone during prime baby making time. I will make an appointment with my favorite RN and talk about adding Clomid to the mix next time, and bring up an HSG. I had a uterine lap done in April of 2005 and all was clear, but that has been 2.5 years, so I think an HSG would be appropriate. We will be turning our adoption app in the end of January and somehow we will come up with the $1500 for the home study and the classes.
To end on a lighter note - yesterday as I was folding laundry in the living room enjoying my day off, I see a dog running across the street. And then I realize that it is my dog, who should be in the back yard. So off I go running out the front door screaming at the dog and trying not to look too much like a buffoon. I grab him and thank my nice neighbors who tried to corral him and drag his bad butt back to the house. He dug his way out under the gate, I'll show a pic tomorrow, he's quite the Houdini. Good thing the puppy has more sense than Austin. He stayed put.
By the way, how did it get to be Thanksgiving already? Where the heck did this year go?