It ended yesterday. Another cycle gone. We talked last night about switching dr's (it will be the 4th time in three years. the medical community where I live just isn't that good) and have our small group praying about it. It's time to get more, something. I don't know. I feel like the practice I'm at is not forcefull enough, not aggressive enough. So I will call tomorrow and we will start from scratch. New blood work, full WORK UP, tell this new dr all my concerns and fears.
We both know God is in control of this and that makes it hard to know how far to go. How much do we take into our "own hands", how much of this is what God wants for us? There will be a lot of prayer in the next few weeks. Prayers for sanity too. However, last week was much much better between me and Mr. Sparky. And on Wednesday I'm driving down to Phx to see one of my best friends from highschool. Her, her husband and their two kids are in the states for the next two months after being in Turkey for that past two and half years. I have not spoken to her, except through e-mail and I haven't met their newest addition yet. It will be a special time, and exciting time.
Prayer is strong and powerful and I know that whatever happens in this crazy journey, God is in control (if I let him be) and he has a plan. It's not for us to know it right now, or even fully. It is for us to trust that he knows what is best for us. The image I see when thinking about God's plans for our lives is a salon. When you are getting something new done to your hair and you see it half way through, it's hard to envision the final product, especially when you look rather scary. That is the same way I see God working. It 's hard to see what the end product will be while the scary, unkown lays before you. I just have to trust that the stylist knows what he is doing.