Thursday, January 31, 2008

Hearing of Others Joy and not Throwing a HUGE Hissy Fit

I just heard some great news about an internet buddy and I am so excited for her and her hubby! I won't out her because it is her news and she deserves to be the one to tell the world. The only reason I mention this is for some it is terribly hard to hear the news that someone else is going to have a baby. In fact, not too long ago, learning of her happiness would have sent me spiriling. Not now. And I can't tell you how greatful I am for that peace.

When I first opened her e-mail and started reading I thought I should stop. I'm at work and didn't want to burst into tears or have it effect my day. However, I continued reading and for the first time felt pure 100% joy and excitment. It's not that I have never been excited for the people who find they are pregnant. It's impossible not to be excited to some extent. How great that they are building their family and have been blessed with a child. But it wasn't the only emotion tangled up in the mix. For the first time since we started this journey, I can say that it was the only emotion. There wasn't any anger, frustration, pitty or despair. There was just elation. And I am so greatful for that.

It took a very long time to get to this place. This place of peace and acceptance of our situation. I know it's only been a few days since we've made this decision, but the peace and relief I have felt since then has been immessurable! I can only believe that this is from God. I have been searching for this "feeling" for so long and only now, after having been through so much, am I finally able to let it all go. And for that, I have to thank God.

God is the reason I am alive. Well, my faith in him anyway. He is the catalyst that put my husband and myself together and when the time is right, he will be the one who creates our family.

So congrats my friend! I cannot wait until you tell the rest of the world so I don't have to be so sneaky.

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